A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
People
nowadays seems
to judge Change the verb form
seem
people
's worth by their status in a social community and their wealth. As a consequence
, this
new kind of judgment left the old-fashioned values behind. I agree with the new opinion becuase
it can open up Correct your spelling
because
new
Add an article
a new
opportunity
for Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
people
to fullfil
their needs by making Correct your spelling
fulfil
friendship
with Replace the word
friends
the
rich Correct article usage
apply
one
.
Correct pronoun usage
ones
First,
the materialistic views of people
may occur from the need to ease their ability to buy basic nourishment such
as meal
and Fix the agreement mistake
meals
toiletteries
. SoCorrect your spelling
toiletries
that
, individuals tend to make Correct word choice
apply
a new friends
by looking at their Correct the article-noun agreement
new friends
a new friend
economical
and societal backgrounds to gain some economic advantages Replace the word
economic
such
as an investment in business
. Add an article
the business
a business
For example
, people
in mid
to low class have difficulties Correct article usage
the mid
to afford
their basic needs because of their low income. Change the verb form
affording
Furthermore
, to lift up their abilities, they may interact with high economy class to gain better opportunities such
as job availability. Thus
, this
phenomenon will drive people
to change their preferences to make a new friendship gradually.
Regarding to
the old-fashioned values, Remove the preposition
apply
people
in the past is
likely Correct subject-verb agreement
are
tighten
up will colonization stigma, Add the particle
to tighten
that
make their judgments Correct pronoun usage
which
are
based on Unnecessary verb
apply
people
pride, Change noun form
people's
such
as their honor
from a Change the spelling
honour
sport
competition or their generosity Change the noun form
sports
to help
a slave. But, Change preposition
in helping
this
views Change the determiner
these
are
become more irrelevant Verb problem
have
along with
the new era, especially in digital
era. In Add an article
the digital
a digital
term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
economical
aspects, Replace the word
economic
the
individual attributes Correct article usage
apply
is
become less important in Verb problem
have
current
time, owing to Correct article usage
the current
it
inability to guarantee Correct pronoun usage
their
people
's basic need
sufficient. The Fix the agreement mistake
needs
honor
, kindness or trust cannot give Change the spelling
honour
people
enough money to afford food.
To conclude
, people
Change noun form
people's
judgment
in current Fix the agreement mistake
judgments
time
happen because of the rising of basic needs that can only be afforded by improving Fix the agreement mistake
times
Correct article usage
the economical
economical
Replace the word
economic
aspect
. Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
Thus
, old-fashioned value
become irrelevant.Fix the agreement mistake
values
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion, stating your position. Your introduction is brief and lacks a clear thesis statement outlining your arguments, and the conclusion is somewhat abrupt without summarizing your main points effectively.
supported main points
Develop main points with detailed support and relevant examples. Your essay lacks specific examples to substantiate your claims. Aim to provide clear illustrations or case studies to strengthen your arguments.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay somewhat addresses the prompt but does not provide a balanced discussion on both material possessions and old-fashioned values. Elaborate on both to give a more comprehensive response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Increase the clarity of your ideas with better organization and development. Your essay does not articulate ideas as clearly as it should, resulting in some confusion. Use paragraphs to introduce and expand on each main idea for better clarity.
logical structure
Make your paragraphs logically connected; use cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. The essay's flow is disrupted by abrupt transitions and lack of clear connections between sentences. Employing cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'furthermore', 'in contrast') would improve the logical structure.