Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument
about
schools solely provide beneficial Change preposition
that
subjects
for the success
of student's future career
and argues that music and Fix the agreement mistake
careers
sport
classes are not necessary. Change the noun form
sports
This
essay is completely disagreed
with the statement, because Wrong verb form
disagrees
smarts
students may not necessarily Change the noun form
smart
success
and not all people gifted with Replace the word
succeed
academic's
skills, so Change noun form
academic
this
system only benefits some group
of people.
First and foremost, Fix the agreement mistake
groups
success
in the future it is not only depends
on how smart are they in maths or Change the verb form
does not only depend
biologys
Correct your spelling
biology
,
but there are many other ways to be rich. In fact, musicians and athletes are wealthier than their friends at Remove the comma
apply
school
whose
were smarter. Correct pronoun usage
who
For instance
, Justin Bieber almost kicked out from
Change preposition
of
his
high Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
due to
his math's
grades Change noun form
math
was
bad, and the smartest kid in his class told him that there Change the verb form
were
are
no chance for him to become successful in life, but now that smart student is Justin's assistant manager which he Change the verb form
is
also
get
paid from Justin. Change the verb form
gets
Therefore
, its
Correct your spelling
it is
proofed
that Change the form of the verb
proof
such
important subjects
at school
will never determines
Change the verb form
determine
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
success
.
Furthermore
, some of
Change preposition
apply
human's
may Change noun form
humans
bad
at sciences but excellent in music or Add a missing verb
be bad
sport
, because there are 2 Fix the agreement mistake
sports
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
human
, the one that Fix the agreement mistake
humans
use
their right brain more, which Change the verb form
uses
mostly
great in class, and Add a missing verb
is mostly
other
who Correct article usage
the other
activated
their left brain more, which mostly use their creativity more in life. Wrong verb form
activate
Then
, this
kind of education system only benefits the right brain's peoples
and Fix the agreement mistake
people
did
not provide enough facilities to the others. Michael Jordan, once gave charity to his old Wrong verb form
does
school
, a wide basketball's
court because he said that when he was a student, he was not able to practice basketball comprehensively and Change noun form
basketball
do
not want current generations Wrong verb form
did
experienced
the same thing Change the verb form
to experience
with
him.
Change preposition
as
To conclude
, sport and music are also
essential subject
at Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
school
and should be treated equally with other subjects
because academic's grade
will not always be the factor of Fix the agreement mistake
grades
success
and the
young athletes or musicians should be Correct article usage
apply
facilited
evenly. Correct your spelling
facilitated
Besides
, great academic's
Change noun form
academic
score
could lead individuals to have a better life, Fix the agreement mistake
scores
however
, others
Correct quantifier usage
other
subjects
are also
having the same chances.Submitted by dickyoktarizaldi on
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task achievement
Be sure to develop a clear thesis statement that reflects your position on the topic and is supported throughout your essay. This should be introduced early
(ideally in the first paragraph) and referred to directly in the conclusion for a more effective argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. Use cohesive devices such as connecting words and topic sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your main points by providing more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. While personal anecdotes can be compelling, they should be complemented with broader evidence or data.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that your introduction clearly sets out the topic of the essay and your viewpoint. It needs to engage directly with the question asked. Your conclusion should clearly summarize how the body of the essay has supported your viewpoint and should not contain new arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay includes relevant examples, ensure consistency and accuracy in tenses, subject-verb agreement, and general grammar rules to convey your ideas more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.