Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #offer #subjects #students’ #future #career #success #music #sports

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There is an argument

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

schools solely provide beneficial

subjects

for the

success

of student's future

career

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careers

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and argues that music and

sport

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sports

show examples

classes are not necessary.

This

essay is completely

disagreed

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disagrees

show examples

with the statement, because

smarts

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smart

show examples

students may not necessarily

success

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succeed

show examples

and not all people gifted with

academic's

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academic

show examples

skills, so

this

system only benefits some

group

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groups

show examples

of people. First and foremost,

success

in the future it

is not only depends

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does not only depend

show examples

on how smart are they in maths or

biologys

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biology

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but there are many other ways to be rich. In fact, musicians and athletes are wealthier than their friends at

school

whose

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

were smarter.

For instance

, Justin Bieber almost kicked out

from

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show examples

his

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apply

show examples

high

school

due to

his

math's

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math

show examples

grades

was

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were

show examples

bad, and the smartest kid in his class told him that there

are

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show examples

no chance for him to become successful in life, but now that smart student is Justin's assistant manager which he

also

get

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gets

show examples

paid from Justin.

Therefore

its

Correct your spelling

it is

show examples

proofed

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proof

show examples

that

such

important

subjects

school

will never

determines

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determine

show examples

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

success

Furthermore

, some

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apply

show examples

human's

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humans

show examples

may

bad

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be bad

show examples

at sciences but excellent in music or

sport

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sports

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, because there are 2

kind

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kinds

show examples

human

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humans

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, the one that

use

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uses

show examples

their right brain more, which

mostly

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is mostly

show examples

great in class, and

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

who

activated

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activate

show examples

their left brain more, which mostly use their creativity more in life.

Then

this

kind of education system only benefits the right brain's

peoples

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people

show examples

and

did

Wrong verb form

does

show examples

not provide enough facilities to the others. Michael Jordan, once gave charity to his old

school

, a wide

basketball's

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basketball

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court because he said that when he was a student, he was not able to practice basketball comprehensively and

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did

show examples

not want current generations

experienced

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to experience

show examples

the same thing

with

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show examples

him.

To conclude

, sport and music are

also

essential

subject

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subjects

show examples

school

and should be treated equally with other

subjects

because academic's

grade

Fix the agreement mistake

grades

show examples

will not always be the factor of

success

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young athletes or musicians should be

facilited

Correct your spelling

facilitated

evenly.

Besides

, great

academic's

Change noun form

academic

show examples

score

Fix the agreement mistake

scores

show examples

could lead individuals to have a better life,

however

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

subjects

are

also

having the same chances.

Submitted by dickyoktarizaldi on Thu Feb 01 2024

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task achievement

Be sure to develop a clear thesis statement that reflects your position on the topic and is supported throughout your essay. This should be introduced early (ideally in the first paragraph) and referred to directly in the conclusion for a more effective argument.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. Use cohesive devices such as connecting words and topic sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

task achievement

Expand on your main points by providing more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. While personal anecdotes can be compelling, they should be complemented with broader evidence or data.

coherence cohesion

Make sure that your introduction clearly sets out the topic of the essay and your viewpoint. It needs to engage directly with the question asked. Your conclusion should clearly summarize how the body of the essay has supported your viewpoint and should not contain new arguments.

coherence cohesion

While your essay includes relevant examples, ensure consistency and accuracy in tenses, subject-verb agreement, and general grammar rules to convey your ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

347 words

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Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some think that all entertaining TV programmes should educate people about the importance of social issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people get into debt by buying things they don't. need and can't afford. what are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reason for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

Some believe that students should begin learning a language very early in school while others think these subjects should be taught later. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.