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Band 3

Humans in more countries spend more and more time far away from their families. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#humans #countries #time #families
Humans in more countries spend more and more time far away from their families.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I believe that more
people
 may
be leave
Change the verb form
be left
show examples
for finding
Change preposition
to find
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 money
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 another country.
However
,
this
 event can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 negative for their
children
 .
On the other hand
 ,Nowadays,more
people
 leave for labour.
That is
 why,some
people
 can not be with together their family members.The main reason is
this
.
For example
, I can tell you about my brother.
This
 person left
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for labour to the
USA
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 government and he has still lived for three years.
However
, we can not
together
Add a missing verb
be together
show examples
 my brother.
On the other hand
,
this
 event
penalize
Change the verb form
penalizes
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
 . Perhaps,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern education is very essential for
children
 and they should learn modern
educate
Replace the word
education
show examples
.
Besides
 that, the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is very
neseccary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for their
children
 .
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 factors should be in all
children
 .
That is
 why, parents should be with together in their
children
 .
For instance
, I am going to tell you about my classmate friend. Currently ,
this
 person is
grown
Correct article usage
a grown
show examples
 up person. My friend left for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Italy two years ago and he has still worked here.
This
 event
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
 very bad their family members. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
people
 in more countries spend more time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
away from their families .
People
 are leaving for
working in
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 these days.
However
, In my opinion , they should be with together their family members . It is essential for
children
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should briefly address both advantages and disadvantages, the body should elaborate on these points, and the conclusion should summarize your position.
development
Develop your ideas more fully to address both sides of the issue. Provide more detailed examples to illustrate the advantages as well as the disadvantages of spending time away from family.
grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve readability and coherence. Use transition words to better connect your ideas.
task response
Make sure your essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages to create a balanced argument.
paragraphing
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow a logical sequence.
coherence
Re-read your essay to check for any repetitive points or ideas and revise accordingly to maintain a coherent and cohesive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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