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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two charts illustrate the material status of all the
people
Use synonyms
 in both
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 in both countries have been separated but not divorced and married
while
Linking Words
 the least are divorced.
Ther
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
 are no
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
show examples
 marriages in
Australia
Use synonyms
. 2% of the
population
Use synonyms
 is divorced in
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 7% are widows in
Canada
Use synonyms
. Single citizens in
Australia
Use synonyms
 are 2% less than those in
Canada
Use synonyms
. There are more separated but not divorced
people
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 as compared to
Canada
Use synonyms
. 3% of
Canada
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
 is
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
show examples
 marriage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are more than 17% of married couples in
Australia
Use synonyms
 than in
Canada
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
never
Correct pronoun usage
who never
show examples
 married in
Canada
Use synonyms
 is just over 2% that in
Australia
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the number of widows in both countries is almost the same. There are no
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
show examples
 marriages in
Australia
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
. The
population
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Canada for
Change preposition
Canada's
show examples
 widows is equal to
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
never
Correct pronoun usage
who never
show examples
 married.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, canada, australia, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • marital status
  • population
  • pie charts
  • percentage
  • categories
  • Married
  • Single
  • Divorced
  • Widowed
  • distribution
  • noticeable trends
  • comparison
  • significantly different
  • similarities
  • striking differences
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