Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Getting knowledge from
books
or televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
are
very convenient as everyone has access to these things. Some people argue that reading Correct subject-verb agreement
is
books
have
more benefits and others think that watching movies on laptops Correct subject-verb agreement
has
are
super comfortable. I agree with the notion that choosing Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Add an article
the source
a source
source
of entertainment like computers and televisions Fix the agreement mistake
sources
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
better
approach and will discuss my views in upcoming paragraphs.
To commence with , Add an article
a better
due to
the advancement of technology, there are enormous and different kinds of gadgets are
available in the market . Unnecessary verb
apply
A television
become smart and 4K , Correct article usage
Television
thus
all the
individuals are able to watch movies and serials on Correct article usage
apply
big
screen with more clarity. Another feature is anyone can pause or record their favourite show and able to complete it Add an article
the big
a big
with in
few hours. Correct your spelling
within
Also
, computer games are another source of attraction for children and adults as it is source
of entertainment and knowledge. The younger ones gain the ability how to use computers for different purposes. Add an article
the source
a source
For instance
, as per survey
, more than 70% love to buy Add an article
the survey
a survey
modren
brands Correct your spelling
modern
in
electronic goods Change preposition
of
hence
companies also
make sure people love them as they provide discount
on them .
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
On the other hand
, some masses love to read books
in their leisure time because theu
are addicted to it Correct your spelling
they
specially
elderly parents. Replace the word
especially
Moreover
, books
does
not Change the verb form
do
emitts
harmful Correct your spelling
emit
radiations
and Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
does
not Change the verb form
do
put
adverse effects on the eyes . Verb problem
have
However
, I firmly believe that one of the biggest disadvantage
is that reading Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
books
takes long
time to complete the story and it Change the article
a long
also
lack
visual ability. On the flip side , a person can connect himself with the story if he is able to see it via video Change the verb form
lacks
thus
he can feel the emotion of the actors and connectivity become
stronger.
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
To conclude
, the graphic
, action and dialogue are the main points for the success of the story and television and laptops are able to deliver Fix the agreement mistake
graphics
such
features to everyone's lives. I personally feel that in this
modern era, technology is on number one priority as compared to the
Correct article usage
apply
books
.Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in the development of your arguments throughout the essay. Some points may not follow logically from the previous ones, leading to a lack of clear progression.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion but they could be strengthened to better introduce and summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
Provide more elaborated support for your main points, such as detailed examples or evidence, to underpin your arguments more convincingly.
task achievement
Aim to cover all parts of the task with a balanced approach. Ensure your essay fully addresses both sides of the argument if required and gives a clear opinion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to better flesh out the discussion. Each paragraph should convey a clear central idea that is well developed.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. Avoid general statements and ensure that your examples directly support your main ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example