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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.
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Remarkable information is provided regarding the amount of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who went to the Brighton local attractions, over a 12-year interval, commencing in 1980 and culminating in 2010. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen despite the fact that art galleries had a decreasing trend, all other attractions gained fame among individuals and the Pavilion had the most
visitors
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 in the majority of
years
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. By a closer examination, it is obvious that
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
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 stood at 25% in 1980 and experienced a dramatic increase to the adjacent of 50% during 15
years
Use synonyms
, before decreasing to 30% in 2010.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, in 1980
visitors
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of
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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art galleries were about 20% of the people which in the next 5
years
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 it rose to the vicinity of 40% before declining to its' start point in 1990. After that, it sank to 8%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the duration. Turning to Pier's
visitors
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, by neglecting the fluctuations, it had a growing trend which started at 10% and ended at 22% in 2010. The odd one was the rate of people who went to the festival
,
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apply
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 since it had only a slight decrease from 30% during those
years
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 .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the ninth paragraph.
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