The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The given line chart illustrates how much money
Britishhouseholdsspenton
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British households spent on
their
children
's
sportactivities
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sport activities
sports activities
ona
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on a
monthly basis from 2008 to 2014. The second line chart compares
children
's
attendancein
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attendance in
attendance
3 different sports in
this6-year
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this 6-year
period.
overall
, there is an
obvious
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obviously
show examples
increasing trend line in
sportactivities
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sport activities
expendituresin
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expenditures in
expenditures
the given period.
furthermore
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of Swimmers and Athletics significantly increased
andnumberof
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and number of
childrenwho
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children who
children to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
Football increased just a little.
Let'sget
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Lets get
moredetail
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more detail
, the amount of money
cost
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lost
show examples
by each family
experienceda
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experienced a
experienced
growth of about 10 pounds each month which means they paid almost 30 pounds every month for their athletic
children
. in the second
graph
Add a comma
graph,
show examples
it can be seen
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
children
who swim rose by about 70% and there
wereabout
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were about
3 million swimmers
inthe
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in the
year2014. if we pay attention to the period between 2010 and 2012 we can realise
number
Add an article
the number
a number
show examples
of
Athletics
Replace the word
athletes
show examples
rose by 5 times, from about 1 million athletes to about 5 million and outnumbered the
number
of swimmers.
Submitted by ma.sharifi2001 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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