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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

he table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#uk #time #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart below shows how
men
 and
women
 without jobs in the United Kingdom
last
 year used their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing different
lots of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
activities.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
males
 and
females
 engaged in housework chores in the morning than in any other activities
while
 the least
were
Change the verb form
was
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 found in drinking.
However
, in the afternoon most
men
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 their time watching television
whereas
women
sis
Correct your spelling
spend
show examples
 shopping and visiting friends. In the morning, the number of people doing nothing or sitting around was the same for both
males
 and
females
 at 3%. The number of
men
 staying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed in the afternoon was 1% more than that of
women
.
However
, there was an equal number of both
males
 and
females
 resting in bed in the morning at 8%.
Additionally
, more
men
 engaged in sports activities than
women
 during the whole day, only 1% of
females
 played sports as compared to
males
 at 8%. More
men
 were
looked
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 for jobs than
women
.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, males, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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