IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#employers #qualifications #life #qualities #employees #case #development
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It is regularly argued that today companies believe that higher
education
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 is more useful
,
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apply
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 than life experience of own characteristics for getting a new job. Despite
this
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 fact, there are a lot of opinions about
this
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 idea.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will discuss about merits and downsides. To start with, one benefit of providing and developing
Correct article usage
a
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person`s own
abiility
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ability
 and experience
,
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is, anubmer
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anubmer
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a number
number
 of scientists have shown that in recent years there have been significant changes in attitude
to
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toward
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 employees and their qualities. Referring to potential positive outcomes of that tendency, there is some evidence which indicates that nowadays it is more important to have other different skills which can help to get a high-paying job. For a primary example, a large number of famous people who did not have
further
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education
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 and who did not achieve academic qualifications became a really popular figure in the modern world.
Whereas
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, nobody can deny that we can not ignore
this
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 viewpoint.
However
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, some opponents who state that getting all steps of
education
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 from primary school to PhD degree is more important may deem the previous viewpoint questionable.
For instance
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, individuals who are passionate about being a medical worker,
such
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 as a doctor or nurse, obviously, need an
education
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 just to get that kind of job.
Moreover
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, it is an obligation for many employees to improve and ameliorate their professional skills consistently. Contemporary countries raise false awareness that
a
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they
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 increasingly celebrate achieving results thanks to their personal qualities,
although
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, as it is known, all of
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the thereally
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thereally
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the really
 lucky millionaires have more, than two or three diplomas.
On the other hand
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,
Nevertheless
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, it matters to take into account all the details of each case.
Submitted by balnur_amantay on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit significantly from a clearer structure. It would improve coherence if each paragraph focused on a single main idea, providing clear topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are fundamental to good essay structure but are not well-developed in your response. Ensure that you have a distinct introductory paragraph stating the topic and your thesis, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You should aim to develop your main points with relevant, specific examples. These can be drawn from real life, credible sources, or your own experiences, and they must directly support the argument you're making.
task achievement
You partially addressed the prompt, but the response needs to be more complete. Make sure you explicitly address all parts of the question, including discussing why employers might prioritize academic qualifications over life experience, and provide a clear view on whether this development is positive or negative.
task achievement
Your ideas could be stated with greater clarity. Aim to express your arguments and viewpoints more directly and with simpler, more confident language.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standardized measure
  • specialized expertise
  • dedication
  • long-term goal
  • higher education
  • practical skills
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving abilities
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • homogeneous
  • diverse perspectives
  • negative development
  • inequality
  • valuable skills
  • insights
  • balanced approach
  • proficiency
  • safety standards
  • candidate's profile
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