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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, in many families both parents need to have jobs. What are some of the problems associated with both parents working, and what are some of the possible solutions? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#families #parents #jobs #answers
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Nowadays, it is true that families often need
both
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 the mother and father to
work
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 but that
childcare
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 can
then
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 cost too much. I believe that the difficulties linked to
both
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parents
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 having jobs are challenging but there are clear solutions to some of them. In
this
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 essay, I am going to give some of the difficulties and
suggest base
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suggestions based
show examples
 on my opinion. On the one hand, when
both
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 the mother and father are full-time
worked
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working
show examples
 certain problems occur. If the
parents
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 need to leave the house early in the morning and get home in the late afternoon or early evening, they may need someone to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their children
to
Change preposition
at
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 school or at home.
Childcare
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 becomes very expensive.
In addition
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, if
both
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parents
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work
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, the family will probably need to own two cars, which means spending even more
money
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 each year. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, there are definitely solutions to some of these problems. Some adults usually go to
work
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 with other people, sometimes in a different person's car each day because the
money
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 they have
just
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is just
show examples
 enough to take care
their
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of their
show examples
 children.
In addition
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, in some poor countries working
parents
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 can apply to the government for
money
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 to help with
childcare
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 so they can go to
work
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 and
paying
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pay
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 their income tax without
nervous
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being nervous
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 about their
money
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.
To sum up
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, there are certainly problems associated with
both
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parents
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 working, including the cost of
childcare
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 and transport.
However
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, solutions include car-sharing and government
helped
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help
show examples
. In my own view, the challenges of a
children
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child's
show examples
 mother and father having jobs are difficult but not impossible to have.
Submitted by ASDFGHJKLESSON on

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Introduction & Task Response
Ensure clarity in the introduction with a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the task. Include a preview of the main points to be discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly with well-defined paragraphs; each should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences. Transition smoothly between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points by expanding on your ideas and providing more detailed, relevant examples. Specific examples will strengthen your argument and task achievement score.
Conclusion & Task Response
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your opinion or the solution you propose. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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