IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, in many families both parents need to have jobs. What are some of the problems associated with both parents working, and what are some of the possible solutions? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#families #parents #jobs #answers
Nowadays, it is true that families often need
both
 the mother and father to
work
 but that
childcare
 can
then
 cost too much. I believe that the difficulties linked to
both
parents
 having jobs are challenging but there are clear solutions to some of them. In
this
 essay, I am going to give some of the difficulties and
suggest base
Replace the word
suggestions based
show examples
 on my opinion. On the one hand, when
both
 the mother and father are full-time
worked
Replace the word
working
show examples
 certain problems occur. If the
parents
 need to leave the house early in the morning and get home in the late afternoon or early evening, they may need someone to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their children
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school or at home.
Childcare
 becomes very expensive.
In addition
, if
both
parents
work
, the family will probably need to own two cars, which means spending even more
money
 each year. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand, there are definitely solutions to some of these problems. Some adults usually go to
work
 with other people, sometimes in a different person's car each day because the
money
 they have
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 enough to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 children.
In addition
, in some poor countries working
parents
 can apply to the government for
money
 to help with
childcare
 so they can go to
work
 and
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 their income tax without
nervous
Add a missing verb
being nervous
show examples
 about their
money
.
To sum up
, there are certainly problems associated with
both
parents
 working, including the cost of
childcare
 and transport.
However
, solutions include car-sharing and government
helped
Replace the word
help
show examples
. In my own view, the challenges of a
children
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 mother and father having jobs are difficult but not impossible to have.
Submitted by ASDFGHJKLESSON on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Task Response
Ensure clarity in the introduction with a stronger thesis statement that directly addresses the task. Include a preview of the main points to be discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly with well-defined paragraphs; each should have a clear main idea and supporting sentences. Transition smoothly between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points by expanding on your ideas and providing more detailed, relevant examples. Specific examples will strengthen your argument and task achievement score.
Conclusion & Task Response
In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your opinion or the solution you propose. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: