some employers offer their emplyees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs. believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Othe employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

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Numerous people argue that the
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
welfare including health quality and performance at work will increase with the subsidised membership of sports clubs.
However
, the arguments of an unprofitable one are
also
considerable, as we shall see. On the one hand, those who support the idea of the benefits
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
acquiring a sponsored membership of gyms point to increased productivity for employees.
Furthermore
, it is
also
true that health quality may be improved, and offering sports activities that can lead workers to get a healthy lifestyle.
Finally
, it seems that these facilities could impact the rise of employees’ performance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and job satisfaction at the office.
For example
, people could spend their free time doing exercise
such
as in the middle of the lunch break or after work.
Then
, we can see that with higher productivity meaning
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
improvement of life may be higher too.
In contrast
, supporters who see
nonprofit
Fix the agreement mistake
nonprofits
show examples
from these perks often state that the company should be encouraged to spend more money, which may not be practical for every employer.
Moreover
, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
will not be visible to everyone in the workplace.
For instance
, some individuals may not want to exercise either at work or in general. As a
last
point, it is
also
true that companies can make other
alternatives
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alternative
show examples
ways to increase
Correct article usage
the wellbeing
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
their workers by setting up regular exercise classes rather than
to pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
them regular memberships. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against subsidised gym membership for workers, but I believe that providing these services could bring many benefits
such
as
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
Change preposition
in the
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
quality
Change preposition
of
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including
Change preposition
of
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health and
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
.
Submitted by izzahayuni85 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this is developed fully.
Task Achievement
Providing specific, real-world examples can strengthen the argument and demonstrate a better understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow between ideas and sentences, making use of a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main points that will be discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of discourse markers to begin your sentences to aid in transitioning and signaling the structure of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarises the main points discussed and clearly states your own standpoint without introducing new information.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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