IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the current era, the debate over whether a diploma offers more advantages compared to getting a business. Some argue that starting a successful
career
Use synonyms
 depends on academic qualifications,
while
Linking Words
 others contend that securing employment is the best option after graduating from school. In my opinion, by enrolling in higher education, students can find enrollment. Convincing arguments can be made that getting a job provides experience and more effective strategies. To start with,
while
Linking Words
 youngsters are working in their workplace, they might be able to improve their practical ability
as well as
Linking Words
 gain interpersonal experience.
For instance
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the world is undergoing rapid change
as a result
Linking Words
 it leads to an increasingly competitive job sphere, every specific industry and company`s employers do not want to recruit a volunteer who has a lack of practice.
Hence
Linking Words
 improving skills that
perceiving
Wrong verb form
perceive
show examples
 the atmosphere of real working in their adulthoods can help them prosper in their fields. Despite the positives of getting an occupation mentioned above, I would acknowledge that enrolling educational institution has numerous benefits. One of the desirable aspects of studying is enhancing cognitive skills
such
Linking Words
 as critical thinking, and a broader understanding of the world may increase good quality of a
career
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, high global perspectives which enhance long-term
career
Use synonyms
 prospects can provide adults with a financial budget for their entire lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 or
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and these categories of jobs always require a specialist who has sufficient ability for work.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 getting a job has its positives, particularly gaining experience, the predominant advantage of studying at university and college is enhancing long-term
career
Use synonyms
 success

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content Development
Your essay presents a view on both sides of the argument, which is good. However, there is room for improvement in terms of task achievement. Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. When discussing both views, ensure that each viewpoint is explored thoroughly with structured arguments and transitions between ideas.
Content & Examples
You should work more on supporting your main points with relevant, specific examples. Your writing would benefit from real-world examples that illustrate the benefits of both university education and immediate employment. Substantiate your claims with evidence or scenarios to make your argument more persuasive and achieve a higher score.
Structure & Linking
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: