Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Now, we live in
gender-fair
society, so no one object to Correct article usage
a gender-fair
woman
being able to join the military.Some affirm that Fix the agreement mistake
women
women
should be protect
county like a man.Personally, I agree with Change the verb form
be protected
this
problem for two reason
.
Compared to Change to a plural noun
reasons
men
, women
are more beveled
, chug and slim. Natural products make them suitable for military logistics Change the spelling
bevelled
such
as medical and health care. Reality shows that in resilient human history, women
have made significant contributions to the victory of frontline soldiers. Furthermore
, when countries want to build strong armies, they pay much attention more to logistics; Therefore
, women
are expected to play an increasingly important role in armed power.
Women
can be considered the weaker gender because they face certain physical health limitations; However
, modern warfare mainly depends on advanced technology rather than muscle power like before. Therefore
, there will not be a big difference between women
and men
on the battlefield because both are capable of controlling war machines. That explains why we often see women
in military uniforms in all armies in the modern world. In our history there is a very famous female soldier know
as“ Hai Ba Trung” in historical Change the form of the verb
known
Viet
Nam could exemplify precisely Correct your spelling
Vietnam
is
Correct pronoun usage
what is
consider
to be the unsung hero of the war. Wrong verb form
considered
This
is because they flight back the people who attacked in Vietnamese from china
around two yearsCapitalize word
China
.
Another example is Rephrase
ago.
that
Mu Lan Correct word choice
apply
being
a person from Verb problem
apply
china
Capitalize word
China
disguise
Replace the word
disguised
men
to take part in military
in Add an article
the military
19
century. So those who claim that Replace the word
the 19th
female
have never had a place in the military are wrong.
In conclusion, taking into account above-said, females can Fix the agreement mistake
females
to
serve in other sectors of their lives despite being soldiers in the army force, which Change the verb form
apply
also
requires a big effort in terms of physical attributes and stamina,
Remove the comma
apply
like
Replace the word
as
men
have, also
they can let them to
be with Change the verb form
apply
closests
rather than outside on duty.Correct your spelling
closest
closets
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and consistency in your essay by logically organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on the introduction and conclusion to clearly state your opinion and summarize your arguments. This helps in setting the direction of your essay and effectively wrapping it up.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitions and try to paraphrase where necessary.
task achievement
Address the essay prompt fully by exploring the question from both sides, even if you have a strong opinion. Make sure your argument is balanced and well-supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Avoid ambiguity and be specific in your examples and explanations. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite