Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men

Now, we live in

gender-fair

Correct article usage

a gender-fair

show examples

society, so no one object to

woman

Fix the agreement mistake

women

show examples

being able to join the military.Some affirm that

women

should

be protect

Change the verb form

be protected

show examples

county like a man.Personally, I agree with

this

problem for two

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

. Compared to

men

women

are more

beveled

Change the spelling

bevelled

show examples

, chug and slim. Natural products make them suitable for military logistics

such

as medical and health care. Reality shows that in resilient human history,

women

have made significant contributions to the victory of frontline soldiers.

Furthermore

, when countries want to build strong armies, they pay much attention more to logistics;

Therefore

women

are expected to play an increasingly important role in armed power.

Women

can be considered the weaker gender because they face certain physical health limitations;

However

, modern warfare mainly depends on advanced technology rather than muscle power like before.

Therefore

, there will not be a big difference between

women

and

men

on the battlefield because both are capable of controlling war machines. That explains why we often see

women

in military uniforms in all armies in the modern world. In our history there is a very famous female soldier

know

Change the form of the verb

known

show examples

as“ Hai Ba Trung” in historical

Viet

Correct your spelling

Vietnam

show examples

Nam could exemplify precisely

Correct pronoun usage

what is

show examples

consider

Wrong verb form

considered

show examples

to be the unsung hero of the war.

This

is because they flight back the people who attacked in Vietnamese from

china

Capitalize word

China

show examples

around two years

Rephrase

ago.

show examples

Another example is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Mu Lan

being

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a person from

china

Capitalize word

China

show examples

disguise

Replace the word

disguised

show examples

men

to take part in

military

Add an article

the military

show examples

Replace the word

the 19th

show examples

century. So those who claim that

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

have never had a place in the military are wrong. In conclusion, taking into account above-said, females can

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

serve in other sectors of their lives despite being soldiers in the army force, which

also

requires a big effort in terms of physical attributes and stamina

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Replace the word

show examples

men

have,

also

they can let them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

be with

closests

Correct your spelling

closest

closets

rather than outside on duty.

Submitted by dohuyhoang on Sat Feb 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clarity and consistency in your essay by logically organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.

coherence cohesion

Work on the introduction and conclusion to clearly state your opinion and summarize your arguments. This helps in setting the direction of your essay and effectively wrapping it up.

coherence cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitions and try to paraphrase where necessary.

task achievement

Address the essay prompt fully by exploring the question from both sides, even if you have a strong opinion. Make sure your argument is balanced and well-supported by relevant examples.

task achievement

Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Avoid ambiguity and be specific in your examples and explanations. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

gender equality
combat roles
physical prowess
stamina
dynamics
cohesion
resilience
integration
gender disparities
morale
recruitment
retention
biological differences
stereotypes
feminism
glass ceiling
break barriers
pioneer
groundbreaking

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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the monet should be spend on improving existing public transport.

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

some people think it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of citizens. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?