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Band 5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
Many
people
 choose their jobs based on the size of the salary offered. Personally, I disagree with the idea that
money
 is the key consideration when deciding on a career
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because I believe that other factors are equally important. On the one hand, I agree that
money
 is necessary in order for
people
 to meet their basic needs.
For example
, we all need
money
 to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
people
 consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If
people
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 their jobs based on enjoyment or other
non- financial
Correct your spelling
non-financial
show examples
 factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians,
for instance
, are known for choosing a career path that they love, but that does not always provide them with enough
money
 to live comfortably and raise a family.
Nevertheless
, I believe that other considerations are just as important as what we earn in our jobs.
Firstly
, personal relationships and the atmosphere in a workplace are extremely important when choosing a job. Having a good manager or friendly colleagues,
for example
, can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life.
Secondly
, many
people
’s feelings of job satisfaction come from their professional achievements, the skills they learn, and the position they reach, rather than the
money
 they earn.
Finally
, some
people
 choose a career because they want to help others and contribute something positive to society. In conclusion,
while
 salaries certainly affect
people
’s choice of profession, I do not believe that
money
 outweighs all other motivators.
Submitted by 27475868 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure by using linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Include a balanced introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should summarise the main points made in the essay and reinforce your initial standpoint.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details. While you provided some examples, further elaboration or additional examples could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
To fully address the task, make sure your response fully answers all parts of the question. Acknowledge the counterargument to your position, but ensure you also clearly state and support your own viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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