IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in toda's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #history #school #subjects #toda #world #science #technology
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Due to
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 the rise of modern
technology
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, some
people
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 advocate the importance of learning Science and
Technology
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 subjects as they
seems
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seem
show examples
 to be more related to our lives.
Technology
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 is everywhere and plays an important role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives: the improvement of public transportation
network
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networks
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 and facilitations, the investments of
gadets
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gadgets
.
Howerver
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However
, if
people
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 would like to catch up with the latest development, they need to learn the
updates
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updated
show examples
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
such
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 as 3D printing
mechines
Correct your spelling
machines
.
Besides
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, science is associated with
technology
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 because it can explain the
principals
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principles
show examples
 and elements
about
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of
show examples
 how the
technology
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 functions. Learning
techonology
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technology
 subject
also
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 can inspire students to make innovations and
breakthrough
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breakthroughs
show examples
such
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 as the
auto-clearning
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auto-cleaning
auto-clearing
handrills
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handrails
handrolls
. It helped
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 the hygiene issue. Because of the
auto-clearning
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auto-cleaning
 functions, it
also
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relieve
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relieves
show examples
worker's
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workers'
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 pressure and companies could save operation
cost
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costs
show examples
for
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by
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 reducing the
spend
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spending
show examples
 on labour.
On the other hand
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, some
points
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point
show examples
 out that learning
History
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 is crucial as it
help
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helps
show examples
 citizens know more about their city and nation.
History
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 is the
inheritage
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inherited
 culture. Observing through ancients' experiences, we could avoid making the same mistakes but make
a
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an
show examples
 amelioration.
Morever
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Moreover
, understanding the
history
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, there are shared memories and they help
people
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 acquire a sense of
belongings
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belonging
show examples
 and boost
relationship
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relationships
show examples
. I suggest these subjects are
similarly
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 essential
beacause
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because
History
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enssures
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ensures
people
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 can learn from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past
experience
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experiences
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Science and
Technology
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enables
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enable
show examples
people
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have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foundatial knowledge, making sure
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 have the ability to invest.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence and Cohesion
It's important to make sure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each main idea should be expanded in its own paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clear opening and closing paragraph that introduces and summarizes your main points, showing your stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or explanations to make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
Work on clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. Try to ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your overall argument or point of view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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