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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, i1 so, how?

in
the
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apply
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modern life, it is required to be bilingual which is why many
people
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 try to master the
English
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language
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 forgetting about their native
language
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. Is it right to pay attention to
development
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the development
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teaching
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of teaching
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 foreign
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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instead
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 of preserving own
tongue
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? In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 preserving
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mother
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the mother
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language
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 has more
prioritize
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priority
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 than
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to speak fluently in
international
Add an article
an international
the international
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language
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. Knowing and having
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an advance
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 level in
English
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 has a lot of advantages without any doubts. It is known state,
following
Linking Words
this
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 majority of parents sent their
child
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children
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 to international schools. Knowing
English
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 seems
for
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to
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people
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 like a gate to
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the hole
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hole
Correct your spelling
whole
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world
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, convenient travelling, having
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to be
international
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an international
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 student in abroad, being confident about employment with
high
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a high
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 salary and
such
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 reasons to learn
widely
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a widely
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 used
tongue
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endless
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apply
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.
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However
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However,
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English
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 gives not only speaking skills to learners, beside
give
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gives
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 another understanding of the
world
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. In consequence that
well educated
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well-educated
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people
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 will know how important to preserve their unique native
language
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. I strongly believe that traditional culture
based
Add a missing verb
is based
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 on
language
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.
Language
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 is not only
Correct article usage
a communicated
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communicated
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communication
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tool
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, it is
also
Linking Words
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tool
Add an article
a tool
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 to accept
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world
Correct article usage
the world
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 by
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
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 version.
Definitely
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Definitely,
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 when local
people
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 lose
Linking Words
this
Change the word
their
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 own version
accepting
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of accepting
show examples
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world
Correct article usage
the world
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 it threats to lose all culture starting with
local
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the local
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language
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.
Due
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to
Change preposition
apply
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government should encourage
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the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 and preserving
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mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
tongue
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,
in
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 local citizens should speak with close
people
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 in
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mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
tongue
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. In conclusion,
English
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 is like a
tool
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 to improve yourself and your level of education level,
mother
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language
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 is
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tool
Add an article
a tool
show examples
 to improve your mental health and
accepting
Wrong verb form
accept
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 the
world
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.

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task achievement
Your essay touches upon the essential elements of the topic but should present a more balanced view considering both the importance of English and the preservation of local languages. Aim to clarify your position with a more nuanced argument and acknowledge the counterpoint more explicitly.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear but occasionally get lost in translation due to a lack of precise language and grammatical control. Work on refining your vocabulary and sentence construction to more effectively communicate your ideas.
task achievement
Include specific examples and evidence to support your point of view. This could be in the form of statistics, personal experiences, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly relevant to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a discernible progression of ideas but lacks coherence in places due to awkward language and unclear connections between ideas. Focus on using clear linking words and well-structured paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt at an introduction and conclusion, but they could be improved by being more explicit in their purpose. The introduction should clearly state your thesis, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your thesis.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global communication
  • economic opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • endangered
  • linguistic heritage
  • inclusive
  • multilingualism
  • language revitalization
  • language policy
  • language preservation
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