Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Spending time on TV, video and online
games
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
a topic of considerable debate.
While
some people argue that it has
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact, others claim that it has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
devastating influence on their growth
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
staugly
Correct your spelling
strongly
believe.
This
essay will
eloborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
both views and my
opinione
Correct your spelling
opinion
opinions
with relevant examples. On the one hand, many people think that using technological, modern devices has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
effect on
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
behaviour.
In other words
, playing online sports can
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
not only cognitive thinking but
also
enhance
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
of independence because gamers
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
their own decision which means they are trying to overcome challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
,
thus
, provides being mentally stable.
For instance
, a recent study shows that approximately 75% of global players believe video
games
supplymental
Correct your spelling
supplemental
supply mental
stimulation and stress relief, where they get
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
outlet from everyday
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficult
and help them
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
happier. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
hand, some proponents urged that
surfing
Verb problem
spending
show examples
more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching television programs can cause serious health problems
relates
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
to
eye-vision
Correct your spelling
eye vision
show examples
because
UV-lights
Correct your spelling
UV lights
show examples
from
phone's
Change noun form
phone
show examples
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
as
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
to damage people's cornea.
In addition
to that, it
avert
Correct subject-verb agreement
averts
show examples
the young ones from indulging in outdoor activities ,
therefore
, they may not feel refreshed or active during the day.
For instance
, a
reserchers
Correct your spelling
research
shows that an average of 60% of offspring prioritize screen timing and indoor
games
like video or multiplayer
games
rather than playing on the grounds which has plagued health-related issues
such
as obesity.
To sum up
, considering the numerous advantages
such
as being involved in
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
of amusement
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
physical well-being, it is my firm conviction that console
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
disrupt the
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
health condition.
Submitted by dilnurakari06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are logically structured and ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Use a wider range of linking devices.
Introduction & Conclusion
Work on providing a clear introduction with a definitive stance and a conclusion that summarises the key points without introducing new information.
Task Response
Try to fully elaborate points with clear and relevant examples to support each main idea. Ensure that examples are directly linked to the argument being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: