IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

#people #zoos #places #animals #nature #choice
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The maps show the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
road
Use synonyms
 access to the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital from 2007 to 2010. There are new roads, bus
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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 and
car
Use synonyms
 parks within its campus.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were many changes to the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital from 2007 to 2010. On the top of the map, the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital was surrounded by the Ring
Road
Use synonyms
 which remained the same since 2007. Due East of the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital, a new public
car
Use synonyms
 park was constructed in 2010. Due South of the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital, a roundabout was built in 2010. It is connected to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Hospital
Road
Use synonyms
 and is
also
Linking Words
 connected to the bus station due west, which was refurbished in 2010. On the right side of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Hospital
Road
Use synonyms
 was the combined
car
Use synonyms
 park for the staff and the public, which was changed to a
staff only
Add a hyphen
staff-only
show examples
car
Use synonyms
 park in 2007 and 2010 respectively. At the bottom of the 2007
city
Use synonyms
 hospital map is a cross junction connecting the Hospital
Road
Use synonyms
 and the
City
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Road
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it was changed to a roundabout in 2010. To summarise, the new map layout shows better
road
Use synonyms
 access to the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital. One possible reason is an increase in the healthcare needs of people.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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Task Achievement
Task achievement can be improved by ensuring that you answer all parts of the question directly and provide relevant examples or explanations to support your points. In this case, the essay seems to be off-topic as it does not address the question about zoos but discusses changes to road access at a hospital instead. To improve, focus on giving a clear opinion on the topic of zoos and supporting it with specific arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To boost coherence and cohesion, effectively organize your ideas with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences. The essay provided is somewhat cohesive but does not possess a relevant introduction or conclusion related to the topic of zoos. A relevant conclusion summarizing the key points about the issue of zoos vs. natural habitat for animals would enhance the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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