IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

#people #gifts #friends #show #care
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It is often argued that many
people
 believe that it is essential to give presents to friends and family to
show
 that we take
care
 of them.Other
people
 say that there are better ways to
show
 that we
care
.In my opinion,it is important
two
Change preposition
to two
show examples
process
Change to a plural noun
processes
show examples
 as attention.      The first which should be mentioned is that some
people
 reported that there are a lot of ways to take
care
 of
people
.
For example
, we can give any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of book, especially religious books, various kinds of flowers as solicitude.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that some
people
 like presents.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, we can
go
Verb problem
see
show examples
 spectacular scenery in order to
show
 our
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, when they are busy 
heavy
Change preposition
with heavy
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, we can take
care
 of them.The other which should be mentioned is that if
people
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 attitude
each
Change preposition
toward each
show examples
 other,
this
 process can positively change
people
's attitude towards each other.     On the one hand, I think that gifts increase slightly
people
's respect for each other.
This
 is mainly because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 like to get any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of
souvenirs
Fix the agreement mistake
souvenir
show examples
.If we gift as tendance, they can be very happy from us.
On the other hand
, we can bring historical places in order to
show
 our
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that many
people
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in going
historical
Change preposition
to historical
show examples
 places and
also
 they want to learn
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
 cultures,
lifestyles
Correct word choice
and lifestyles
show examples
. When we
go
Verb problem
see
show examples
 spectacular scenery, they may be very happy
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us.All of these are forms of caring.     In conclusion,
people
 passionate about any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of solicitude
imagines
Correct subject-verb agreement
imagine
show examples
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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logical structure
Ensure to structure the essay clearly with an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs each discussing a separate view, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion.
introduction conclusion present
Include an introduction that clearly addresses the essay prompt and a conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the main points.
supported main points
Develop each main point with clear and specific examples or reasons to support your discussion.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that both views and your own opinion are clearly discussed and well-supported.
clear comprehensive ideas
Organize ideas clearly and logically, using cohesive devices to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs smoothly.
relevant specific examples
Provide relevant, specific examples to underpin the points made in the essay, enhancing your discussion and demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tangible symbols
  • Affection
  • Materialism
  • Cultural traditions
  • Impact
  • Relationships
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service
  • Communication
  • Shared experiences
  • Equating
  • Emotional presence
  • Physical presence
  • Material possessions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: