IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

It is a common belief that
females
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 should be able to do any
job
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 they want
,
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apply
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 because
men
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 and
women
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 right now are equal.
While
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 others believe that
women
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 still can’t take certain
job
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 abilities as
men
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
of
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apply
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viewpoints and a couple of opinions will be highlighted in
this
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 write-up.
To begin
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 with, there are various reasons why
females
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 should be able to do any
job
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 they want.
Firstly
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,
women
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 are more educated than before.
This
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 is because
women
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 are allowed to take many different majors in school or even university.
For Example
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,
women
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 right now are more likely to attend some male
field
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fields
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such
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 as contractor or technology area.
Moreover
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,
women
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 can earn more money than
men
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 right now.
In other words
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, they are more encouraged to show their abilities in the work field.
As a result
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, other
females
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 are more inspired by these successful
women
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.
However
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, the difference
of
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in
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 physical
labour
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 ability between
women
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 and
men
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 cannot be neglected.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that some jobs may require a higher physical power to do.
For instance
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,
the
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construction workers rely on huge manual
labour
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 to work
such
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 as moving a stone or driving a big truck.
Consequently
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,
women
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 may be overwhelmed by these
labour
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 works. In conclusion, it is apparent that there is a huge gap
of
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in
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 physical
labour
Use synonyms
 ability between
females
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 and
men
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they may not be suitable for a certain
job
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that
women
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 still can choose the
job
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 they like. In my opinion, I believe that if
men
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 and
women
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 can respect each other
on
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in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 workplace no matter what gender they are
then
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 everyone can choose a
job
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what
Correct word choice
that
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 they really want
to
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apply
show examples
.

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task achievement
Be more specific by providing concrete examples and evidence to support your arguments, which will enhance the relevance and effectiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively using a wider range of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by giving equal consideration to both sides of the argument, possibly devoting a similar length to each viewpoint.
task achievement
Refine your stance by expressing your own view in a clearer and more explicit manner throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to better sandwich the essay, repeating key themes from the body in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • workforce
  • diversity
  • business outcomes
  • female leaders
  • perceptions
  • gender roles
  • societal norms
  • stereotypes
  • human potential
  • job suitability
  • physical attributes
  • skills
  • qualifications
  • passion
  • male-dominated fields
  • engineering
  • military
  • leadership roles
  • breaking down stereotypes
  • encouraging diversity
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