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Band 2

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment

#plans #show #layout #university’s #sports #centre #redevelopment
The plan
of
Change preposition
for
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 the university sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 includes two versions of
facilities’
Correct article usage
the facilities’
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 location now and after redevelopment in future.
Hence
, the higher one is
who
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 looks like
in
Change preposition
at
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 present, below the new one is located. The main difference is the size of the building.
However
, some new amenities will be added as well. Now the university has one pool, reception, gym, changing room and seating and two outdoor courts on both sides. In the future,
according to
 the plan, the central part will be saved, but both courts will disappear, and
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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them
Add a comma
them,
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 the building will become much wider.
Therefore
, on the left
side
Add a comma
side,
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 the leisure pool will occur with a changing room respectively. In the hall where the reception is
located
Add a comma
located,
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 there will be a sports shop and cafe. The gym will increase in size two times on the right.
Also
 in the future students will get an opportunity to attend dance classes which will be located on the right side of the center. By the way, a new sports hall and another changing room will be there as well.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that subsequent sentences follow on logically. Consider using linking words to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
An introduction concluding the report is present, but it is not fully developed. It is important to clearly set the context by introducing the plans and providing an overview before detailing the changes. Try to also include a brief conclusion summarising the main changes or implications of the redevelopment.
Task Achievement
It's good that you have attempted to describe the changes; however, the main points could be more clearly supported by referring directly to the plans. Include more specific detail on the features that will change, and compare more directly between the 'now' and 'after redevelopment' plans.
Task Achievement
You've achieved a basic response to the task, but to improve task achievement make sure to fully cover all the key changes indicated in the plans. Describe both the existing situation and the future redevelopment with equal clarity and detail.
Task Achievement
While you've provided a few specific examples, try to substantiate your points with even more details from the plans, using accurate and relevant language to describe the spatial relationships and changes in the sports center.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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