IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern epoch, the food culture has changed drastically compared to the past. In many nations, conventional
foods
Use synonyms
 are replaced by ready-made
foods
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.
This
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 trend has several adverse effects on families, individuals and societies. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because it creates more health diseases;
this
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with, eating fast
foods
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instead
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 of
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
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meals
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 brings more health
issues
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such
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 as cancer, type 2 diabetes, cancer and digestive
issues
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. To explain,
junk
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foods
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 contain plenty of adverse chemicals for good taste and it links to getting diseases when people consume
frequently
Correct quantifier usage
more frequently
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 than traditional
meals
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.
For example
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,
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
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 attack ratio
is
Verb problem
has
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 increased across the world, especially the Western nations
due to
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 eating
junk
Use synonyms
foods
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 more frequently than conventional
meals
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. Needless to say, individuals' medical history is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
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 after the famous of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
foods
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.
Furthermore
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, consuming ready-made
meals
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 obesity
issues
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 among the population because it is not good dishes. Many children are affected by overweight troubles around the world, particularly the Western nations
causes
Correct your spelling
because
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 of their
partent's
Change noun form
parents'
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 hectic busy working
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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.
For instance
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, toddlers can be bullied by fellow peers who have thin body structures at school,
thus
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, creating psychological
issues
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 like depression and isolation. It goes without saying,
eating
Correct word choice
that eating
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 fast
foods
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 and gaining weight are interconnected and it brings more psychological
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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towards
Change preposition
apply
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the fast food lovers.
To conclude
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, traditional
foods
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 are being replaced by
junk
Use synonyms
meals
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,
consequently
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, creating health
issues
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 namely heart attack, type 2 diabetes and cancer
as well as
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 it brings obesity troubles and psychological
issues
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 among the population.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement in the
above- mentioned
Correct your spelling
above-mentioned
show examples
 details.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences that relate directly to the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state your position and summarise the main points of your argument without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Develop your main points by providing more detailed and specific examples. Use data, studies, or real-world examples to back up your claims and add credibility to your essay.
task achievement
Make sure that your essay directly responds to all parts of the task. Clearly state your position and address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement by offering a balanced discussion if necessary.
task achievement
Work on the presentation of clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next and that they are all relevant to the task at hand.
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