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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram shows how tea leaves are processed into five tea types. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows how tea leaves are processed into five tea types. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The flow chart illustrates the process of five distinct
types
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teas which are white, green,oolong
large
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
leaf black and
small leaf
Add a hyphen
small-leaf
show examples
 black
tea
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 three steps of
manufracturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 the five
types
Use synonyms
 of teas
are remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 the same. To start with,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 steps involve the initial full growth of
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves before plucking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Once plucking is done it goes under the
withling
Correct your spelling
withing
withering
witchling
 process which is
also
Linking Words
 subjected
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
whitering
Correct your spelling
whitening
white ring
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 white
tea
Use synonyms
 leaves
only
Add a missing verb
are only
show examples
 required to pass through
Change the article
the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 stage which is oven dry process.
However
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the steaming method is required for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green
tea
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it undergoes
rolling
Correct article usage
a rolling
show examples
 method before
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 product. All the
stpes
Correct your spelling
steps
along with
Linking Words
 slight fermentation requires for the production of oolongo
tea
Use synonyms
. On
Correct article usage
the contarary
show examples
contarary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, full fermentation
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
show examples
 for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
types
Use synonyms
 of
balck
Correct your spelling
black
tea
Use synonyms
 after crushing their leaves.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 step oven dry
reamin
Correct your spelling
remain
 the same for all
types
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teas.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words types, tea with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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