IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart provides information about the assessment rates of world illiteracy which came from both
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 a
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in the course of the previous year.
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the rates of global illiteracy in the
countries
Use synonyms
 which are undeveloped has more percentages than the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 similar to female's rate that higher than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, there are 3 regions that have percentages of people who didn't know languages below 25%.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 had just 2% or 3% of all populations, whilst people who lived in
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
show examples
 and Oceania had
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 ratio
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 8% to 12%
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in women rate in East Asia reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 people. Turning to the rest regions, there are another 3 groups of
countries
Use synonyms
 that had a higher proportion. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the rates of the males from Africa, Arab states and South Asia, they were assessed that 32%, 28% and 34% of their populations respectively, might
got
Change the verb form
get
be got
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Finally
Linking Words
, women from these
countries
Use synonyms
 had a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 number of illiteracies about 45-55%.
As a result
Linking Words
, they became considerable groups of
this
Linking Words
 concern.
Submitted by krist_ar03 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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