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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart provides information about the assessment rates of world illiteracy which came from both
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 a
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in the course of the previous year.
Overall
it is clear that
 the rates of global illiteracy in the
countries
 which are undeveloped has more percentages than the developed
countries
 and
also
 similar to female's rate that higher than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
According to
 the chart, there are 3 regions that have percentages of people who didn't know languages below 25%.
Firstly
, the developed
countries
 had just 2% or 3% of all populations, whilst people who lived in
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
show examples
 and Oceania had
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 ratio
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 8% to 12%
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in women rate in East Asia reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 people. Turning to the rest regions, there are another 3 groups of
countries
 that had a higher proportion. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the rates of the males from Africa, Arab states and South Asia, they were assessed that 32%, 28% and 34% of their populations respectively, might
got
Change the verb form
get
be got
show examples
this
 problem.
Finally
, women from these
countries
 had a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 number of illiteracies about 45-55%.
As a result
, they became considerable groups of
this
 concern.
Submitted by krist_ar03 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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