IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms).

The graph shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms).
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The picture denotes the changing patterns of
access
Use synonyms
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
 in the UK (expressed in
percentage
Use synonyms
 terms) to modern technology.
Overall
Linking Words
,
access
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
commenced in 1996.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 was embarked
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 1998. In 1996,
CD
Add an article
the CD
show examples
 player had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 60%, and it climbed in 2000 becoming around 80%, and in 2002, it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly increasing
Replace the word
slight increase
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 over 80%.
Home
Add an article
The home
show examples
 computer
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased stability from 1996 to 2002,
begun
Wrong verb form
beginning
show examples
 from approximately 30%
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 50%, and mobile phone was initiated with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 value under 20
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cent, and it surged around 25% in 1998, and in the
last
Linking Words
 period,
this
Linking Words
 has risen
achieving
Change the verb form
to achieve
show examples
 about 70%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started in 1998
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 10%, and it increased in 2000
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 approximately 30%, and
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 grown until reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 value above 40%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 period namely 2002 that had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was CD player, and the lowest was
internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access, percentage, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • ubiquitous computing
  • smart home devices
  • telecommunication
  • multi-purpose gadgets
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • obsolete
  • trend analysis
  • consumer electronics
  • statistical data
  • percentile growth
  • demographics
  • chart interpretation
  • gadgets
  • integration
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