IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowladge or experience.

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones #knowladge
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, people are going to
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
 centre every day. They want to pay
something
Change preposition
for something
show examples
 easier. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 like to feel
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 as paper.
However
, the World is changing every second. Technology is
devoloping
Correct your spelling
developing
.
Credit
 cards have advantages
as well as
 disadvantages.
Also
, we can pay with
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 to
use
nfs
Correct your spelling
NFS
show examples
 technology. In my opinion, in the future
cash
is eliminate
Wrong verb form
will be eliminated
show examples
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the world. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a lot of crime
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
.
For example
. When you win
cash
 with
illegal
Correct article usage
an illegal
show examples
 bet,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 can not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
calculate
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
. So, if they
use
 only
credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 it can be more clear. I think
everone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 who has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bank account must
be
Change the verb form
use
show examples
use
credit
Add an article
a credit
show examples
card
. Using
credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 more easier and
safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
. It is safer because when we
use
 the
credit
card
, we can
fallow
Correct your spelling
follow
show examples
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 spending. We will see our
credit
card
extrat
Correct your spelling
extra
extract
 every month.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 we
use
 the password
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
show examples
 why more safer. We can
stolen
Change the verb form
steal
show examples
 our
money
.
That is
 a risk. Some people still
use
 the
cash
.
İt
Correct your spelling
This
 can be interesting because when we
use
cash
, we
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 less
money
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we touch the
money
, we feel the
money
moreover
 we smell the
money
. So we feel like spending a lot of
money
 and we stop. Tos um up, If
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 need to give
example
Correct article usage
an example
show examples
 myself
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
credit
Correct article usage
a credit
show examples
card
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 need to see my extract every month
on
Add the comma(s)
, on
show examples
 the other hand,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don’t like carrying
money
. Most
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
, we will save thousands of trees we must save trees, everyone needs oxygen.
Submitted by kagancihan9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
It is important to address all parts of the task. Ensure that you answer both questions posed in the prompt fully and equally. Expand on your ideas regarding why some might oppose the disappearance of cash.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements and try to provide more detail and concrete examples from your knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: