A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter, describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts say how you think the company should spend the money Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children’s #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise #addresses #sir #madam

Dear Sir , I am writing

this

letter to show my gratitude towards your company as you are going to organize an

amzing

Correct your spelling

amazing

events

Fix the agreement mistake

event

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for the welfare of the local community. All the sports have great benefits as it is a good exercise which will bring punctuality and enthusiasm

Change preposition

into

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the lives of children. If your company spend some money

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports it will be a great opportunity for the younger ones as they will have

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

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activities to perform at their school.

Moreover

, some of them

wants

Change the verb form

want

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bceome

Correct your spelling

become

an international player and will make their country proud. Concerts

also

play a crucial role as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

act as

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

stress busters and all the local citizens will enjoy

with

Correct pronoun usage

themselves with

show examples

their near and dear ones

also

Correct word choice

and also

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get

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

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to devalue their stress. I would like to suggest

you

Change preposition

to you

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that spending money

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports will have

enomorous

Correct your spelling

enormous

numerous

advantages,

hence

pupils would love these efforts .

Moreover

, you should consult with the principal of the school and he will guide you

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

more accurately. I am so excited to know about which suggestions will be accepted by you . I am looking forward to hearing from you . Yours faithfully, Sam

Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on Thu Feb 08 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the response is organized with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single point. The benefits of sponsoring the sports team and funding the concerts need to be distinctly highlighted in separate paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

The ideas should be linked together more clearly, with greater use of cohesive devices to make logical connections apparent throughout the letter.

Task Achievement

It is important to understand all parts of the task and respond to each one fully. Ensure the letter describes the benefits of the sports sponsorship and concert funding in more detail and provide a clearer, well-supported opinion on which option the company should choose.

Task Achievement

Although the tone of the letter is mostly suitable, ensure that formal language is consistently used throughout and avoid using conversational or informal phrases that might undermine the formality of the letter.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use 'Dear Sir or Madam,' as instructed to begin the letter and close it appropriately. Refrain from starting with 'Dear Sir ,' since this ignores half of the potential audience and misses the comma after 'Sir'. Close the letter with either 'Yours sincerely' or 'Yours faithfully' followed by your name.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

202 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Many countries import a large amount of food from other parts of the world. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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