IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph illustrates the change in the percentage of university graduates from several universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

The bar graph illustrates the change in the percentage of university graduates from several universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.
#bar #change #percentage #university #graduates #universities #canadian #provinces
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information about the percentage of university students from abroad
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 in several
Use synonyms
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
 provinces in 2001 and 2006. In general, the proportion of campus graduates for international
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in all
teritory
Correct your spelling
territory
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
As a result
Linking Words
, every area in
Canada
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive growth for scholars
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 from another country.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British Columbia
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a massive boost with below 5% in 2001 surge to 11% in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, New Brunswick has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest number of foreign scholars with 7% in 2001 and 12% in 2006 compared to
other territory
Change the wording
another territory
other territories
show examples
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Ontario has a small increment compared to every
provinces
Change to a singular noun
province
show examples
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 with only 3% of growth monitored between 2001 and 2006.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 has more international scholars year by year from 2001 to 2006 without any decreased number of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Submitted by hafidhfikri.rasyid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: