In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The beauty industry is developing
with
Change preposition
at
rapid
speed nowadays. New Correct article usage
a rapid
products
continue appearing on market shelves and the requests for them don't seem to shrink. But do all of them can be called essential? Let's figure out.
No doubt, the
whitening Correct article usage
apply
products
became
popular in modern society. They are calculated to lighten Wrong verb form
have become
people
Change noun form
people's
skin
and give the effect of glow
. There Correct article usage
a glow
are
Change the verb form
is
certain
number of nations, whose Change the article
a certain
the certain
skin
is dark, which cool
Add a missing verb
is cool
,
because all of us are different and magnificent in our own way. But it Remove the comma
apply
don't
stop beauty brands from selling whitening things, Change the verb form
doesn't
on the contrary
, some of them call, to use those creams to look better.
Admittedly, there a
myth about Koreans, that they want to look more like Europeans. From my point of view, it is most certainly a lie. Yes, they use lightening Add a missing verb
is a
products
, but only because every country has its own standards and one of their
is Correct pronoun usage
them
a
bright Correct article usage
apply
skin
. There is no similarity with Europeans in Korean makeup, which designed
to emphasise Asian Add a missing verb
is designed
face
features and to transform them into Replace the word
facial
completely
diverse nation.
Generally speaking, Add an article
the completely
a completely
the
whitening skincare only harms the Correct article usage
apply
skin
. Because of Correct article usage
the chemical
chemical
used in them, these Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
products
can cause cancer and then
consequences are inevitable. That the
main reason for not using these things on people's Add a missing verb
is the
skin
. The other one is that the lightening products
, which you can buy in drugstore
, Correct article usage
a drugstore
mostly
made from Add a missing verb
are mostly
a
cheap ingredients and cause an allergic reaction.
In conclusion, I would say thatCorrect the article-noun agreement
apply
,
whitening Remove the comma
apply
products
should be banned from stores, due to
the bigger number of disadvantages for customers than advantages.Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on
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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear introduction that presents the main issue and the writer's viewpoint. It needs to define the topic and include a thesis statement that briefly summarizes the writer's position.
task achievement
The essay fails to fully develop ideas with specific examples and clear explanations. To improve, the writer should expand on their main points and provide concrete examples and detailed reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas are not always logical or clear. The writer can achieve better coherence by using cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should clearly summarize the overall argument and restate the writer's position. It's currently too abrupt and does not adequately conclude the essay.
task achievement
The essay should address health and societal effects more directly and in a structured manner. It could be improved by dedicating separate paragraphs to health and society, offering a balanced discussion of both aspects.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.