IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club.

#course #college #sports #facilities #manager #club
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. I have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in a small university town. I have just started a course in a college which has no
sports
Use synonyms
 comfort of its own. When I arrived, the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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club
Use synonyms
 had many problems, the air conditioning was not working and
Use synonyms
club
Add an article
the club
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has
Wrong verb form
had
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 no other
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. The first thing I would like to draw your attention
is
Change preposition
to is
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sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. I am
in
Correct word choice
interested in
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interesting
Correct word choice
apply
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many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
sports
Use synonyms
.I want to play table tennis where
private
Correct article usage
a private
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sports
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 has more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, I want to take weight training classes why keeping fit.
Also
Linking Words
, table tennis and
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
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 of
sports
Use synonyms
 important part of
in
Change preposition
apply
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my life. I would be
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 If you could
description about
Wrong verb form
describe
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 your
sports
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 and say about costs, members
so
Correct word choice
and so
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 on. I must
apologies
Replace the word
apologise
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 for taking up your valuable time with
this
Linking Words
 matter. I look forward to receiving your reply as soon as possible.
Correct the word
Yours
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Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
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 faithfully, Po‘latova Parizoda.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. For example, one paragraph can introduce your situation, another can discuss the specifics of what you are looking for in the sports club, and another can request information on membership details and costs.
coherence cohesion
Make logical connections between your sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments and requests.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. In this case, make sure to include specific requests or questions about the facilities and membership of the sports club.
task achievement
Maintain a consistently polite and semi-formal tone appropriate for writing to a manager. Avoid informal language and ensure that you use formal expressions of request and inquiry.
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