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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.

The bar chart on the right shows figures of annual coffee and meat consumption.
#bar #right #figures #coffee #meat #consumption
The following bar chart describes the annual consumption of coffee and
meat
 amongst three European
countries
, three
Asian
countries
 and the only American country, the USA. The variables involved in
this
 double bar chart are the country and kg per person for both
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
show examples
.
Overall
, it can be illustrated that
meat
 is by far the most consumed product.
In addition
, the USA
meat
 consumers are widely attracted to
this
 product, they eat approximately three
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more than
Asian
countries
 combined.
In contrast
,
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 population consume in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 interval from 60 to 90 kg, being surpassed by
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 people.
However
,
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 population
take
Wrong verb form
has taken
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership in
coffee's
Change noun form
coffee
show examples
 consumption.
Nevertheless
, the range of dispersion is close in front of American and
Asian
 nations. In spite of
this
,
Asian
countries
 show good
Kurtosis's
Change noun form
Kurtosis
show examples
 variation because the variance between both factors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 closer than
Change preposition
in others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countries
.
To conclude
,
meat
 as a favourite good is incredibly accepted by most of the First-World nations.
Nonetheless
, the coffee is vaguely eaten.
Submitted by natalyrau13 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, countries, asian with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual consumption
  • millions of tonnes
  • trend
  • fluctuations
  • steady increase/decrease
  • per capita consumption
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
  • environmental impact
  • economic factors
  • cultural preferences
  • global market
  • demand and supply
  • statistics
  • kilograms per annum
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