IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You want to start your own small business.Write a letter to ask a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. What kind of business you want to start How much money you need The length of time over which you would expect to repay the money

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Dear Madam I wanted to
startmy
Correct your spelling
start my

If you don’t want startmy to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

own small business.I am writing to ask about obtaining a business
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to finance my new company.I am hoping you would finance my company with some document
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements

It seems that requirement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 so that I can apply for the
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.I have
compeleted
Correct your spelling
completed

If you don’t want compeleted to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

my
gradutain
Correct your spelling
graduation
graduating

If you don’t want gradutain to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

from the University of California and my major was marketing.Now I am interested
to start
Change preposition
in starting

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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new
Correct article usage
a new

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 clothes shop of my own and need a
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 to support it. I own the location of the shop and have some prior experience
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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working at
large
Add an article
a large

The noun phrase large clothes shop seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 clothes shop. I can provide 50% of the fund requirement and need another $5000 as a
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 from your bank. I can repay the
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 amount with interest within 2 years.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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 I need
three
Correct determiner usage
a

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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months
Correct your spelling
three-month

The word months doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 grace period before I start repaying my monthly instalment. I would really appreciate it if you could send me details of the
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
monthlyi
Correct your spelling
monthly

If you don’t want monthlyi to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

instalment amount and so on.
Linking Words
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Also. Consider adding a comma.

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 forward me the documents. I need to fill in and submit for the
loan
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Yours faithfully Mushtariy

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to organize your writing with one main idea per paragraph and link sentences smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and make sure each new paragraph logically follows from the one before it.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your letter has a clear opening and closing. Address the bank formally and sign off with an appropriate phrase, such as 'Yours sincerely' if you know the name of the person, or 'Yours faithfully' if you don't, but you did not use the recipient's name.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, address all key aspects of the task more fully. For example, explain why the amount of money you're requesting is sufficient for your needs, and ideally attach a preliminary business plan or financial forecast.
Task Achievement
While the writing tone is suitable for a formal letter, there are some informal expressions and spelling mistakes that should be corrected. Use formal language and check grammar and spelling carefully.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial forecast
  • cash flow analysis
  • target market
  • startup capital
  • business plan
  • profitability
  • repayment schedule
  • collateral
  • creditworthiness
  • entrepreneurial venture
  • capital expenditure
  • industry analysis
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