Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
that all countries have military
service
for
men
. In my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
there is military
service
for all
men
and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think that
this
is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
thing. It teaches
men
many new things and new skills that are important for life.
Also
for young
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
it is fun doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
military
service
. I made many
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
in my country with military
service
. It is good for countries to have military and military needs
people
. If military
service
is in the country
then
the army would have
people
and
also
young
people
would learn new
teaches
Correct your spelling
teachers
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
with military
service
for
women
. Nowadays there are some
women
in
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
and
this
is not a problem for them. but I think that not all
women
want to go in the military and not all
women
strong
Add a missing verb
are strong
show examples
for
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
. Maybe
women
have other works or can stay at home. I think that
this
is choose
Change the verb form
is chosen
show examples
for
women
and compulsory military
service
is not a good thing. Nowadays there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
problems in many countries with
Correct article usage
the behavour
show examples
behavour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
of young
people
. Young
people
maybe no
repect
Correct your spelling
respect
and maybe
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
behavour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. I think that military
service
is very hard and you need to
be respect
Change the verb form
be respected
show examples
. I think that
this
is good for young
people
and especially
men
.
Men
are more often
criminal like
Add a hyphen
criminal-like
show examples
behavour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
and maybe
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
. Military
service
teaches good
behavour
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. I think that military
service
is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
thing for
men
however
other
people
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
not
agreeing
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
with
this
. They think military
service
is
violent
Add an article
a violent
show examples
place and the military is not
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
place for
people
Submitted by mohamedicdl175 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Try to ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and logically connect to the others.
Introduction/Conclusion
Provide a clear and direct response to the question in your introduction, stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
Support
Develop each main point with supporting evidence or examples. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
Coherence
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point. Transition words and phrases can help connect your ideas and make your writing more coherent.
Consistency
Be consistent with your viewpoint throughout the essay. Avoid contradicting yourself and make sure all points support your main argument.
Sentence Structure
Pay attention to sentence structure and complexity. Using a variety of sentence types can enhance the readability of your essay. Avoid overly long sentences and check for grammatical and punctuation errors.
Examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. This makes your writing more engaging and convincing. However, ensure that the examples are relevant to the topic and directly support your argument.
Argument Balance
Revise your essay to address both sides of the argument, even if you choose one side. Acknowledging the other point of view and explaining why yours is more convincing can strengthen your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: