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Band 3

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of Job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #type #job
It is true that some people think that
entertainers
such
 as film stars, pop musicians and sports stars are paid too much money and that there are other
jobs
 that are worthy of being highly paid. In
this
 essay, I will discuss my agreements and disagreements about
this
 argument. First of all, it is correct that there are other
jobs
 that should be highly paid or in the
simpliest
Correct your spelling
simplest
 way
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
paid enough. In today's era, most
jobs
 are underpaid and their salaries don't even match with how much effort they put into work. But
this
 doesn't mean that
entertainers
 should not be paid with
such
 an amount.
In addition
 to that, these
entertainers
 don't just get easy money but they
worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 hard for it. These people use their creativity in order to come up with entertainment. Just like other people who worked hard, their efforts should be recognised
also
. In general, salaries should be based
according to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the person's effort and capabilities. In conclusion,
this
 argument is discussed with agreements and disagreements about
entertainers
 that are highly paid and there are other
jobs
 that should be paid more.
Submitted by alma_milly on

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task achievement
Clarify your position regarding the statement in both the introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your agreement or disagreement is clear and that you consistently support this throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons behind your viewpoint, providing more detail and developing your argument. This can be achieved by giving specific examples and explaining the consequences or implications of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clearer logical structure by organizing your ideas into well-developed paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point supporting your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, as this is necessary to achieve a higher score. Consider using case studies or referring to particular situations where entertainers and other professionals have been paid significantly, and analyze why this may or may not be justified.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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