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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the internet everyday from 2003-2006.

The chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used the internet everyday from 2003-2006.
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The given column graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adults of different age groups using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 between 2003 and 2006, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Great Britain. The
over 65s
Add a hyphen
over-65s
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 had the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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percentage
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Use synonyms
 users. The main users of the
internet
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 were young adults aged between 16 and 24 years. In 2003 and 2004, they shared the same
percentage
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, which was 80%. In 2005,
this
Linking Words
 figure increased significantly to 100%
,
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apply
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 but decreased slightly to 90% in the next year. We can see from the chart that all the age groups experienced an upward trend as far as their daily use of the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 is concerned. In the 25-44 group, there was a gradual growth in the
percentage
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, from 50% to 80%, between 2003 and 2006. There were similar increases for the 45 to
54 year olds
Add a hyphen
54-year-olds
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, rising from 60% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. As for the other two groups,
although
Linking Words
 the percentages had minor fluctuation, the
overall
Linking Words
 trend was upwards.
Overall
Linking Words
, adults between 18 and 44 showed the greatest usage of the
internet
Use synonyms
 and the users grew with time regardless of their age.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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