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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies

the diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies
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The figure illustrates the production of fish pies at low temperatures.
Overall
Linking Words
, a dual process is given in
this
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 graph.One is
Use synonyms
potatoes
Correct article usage
the potatoes
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 procedure
included
Wrong verb form
includes
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with
Change preposition
apply
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7 steps , which are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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done automatic method.Another development is about fresh salmon which is done by manual work labour and technology , it
also
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 contains 7 stages. At the first branch ,
potatoes
Use synonyms
 are delivered up to one month in advance.
Firstly
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, it is transferred to hygiene , where they are cleaned, peeled and waste thrown away and the remained skin is sliced into different parts.At
this
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 point , the sliced parts have been sent to the boiling at a low temperature.After that , the
potatoes
Use synonyms
 undergo the method of chill, before being moved to the storage. In the second case,fresh salmon is delivered within 12 hours or minimum,
initially
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 lemon juice and salt are used to give enhanced flavour and odour reduction before being roasted in a microwave oven.
Secondly
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,once the skins and bones have been removed by the workers , it is sent to the examine , where an inspector checks them.After that, prepared peas and prepared sauce by mixing peas and examined fishes.The sauce and
potatoes
Use synonyms
 were wrapped by a single labour and transferred to the freezing .
Finally
Linking Words
 , it is ready to dispatch.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words potatoes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "examine" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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