IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods . This is having a negative effects on both families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #foods #effects #families #societies
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Nowadays, the increased popularity of international fast
foods
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 has shifted
authentic
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to authentic
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foods
Use synonyms
 in some countries.
Hence
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, either households or societies are being impacted by adverse effects. I absolutely agree with
this
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given
Verb problem
apply
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statement and the reasons behind my
thought
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thoughts
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 will be discussed in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, many households are affected
to consume
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by consuming
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 fast
food
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, potentially experiencing health problems. Junk
foods
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 have more fat, sugar, and salt than are generally recommended in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 diet. A study from Alfa Laboratorium shows that
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
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 meals are one of the biggest
caused
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causes
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 of harmful diseases,
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and cancer. In fact, many families give their children burgers, pizza, or fried chicken
instead
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 of traditional
foods
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, which contain more nutrition and less processing.
That is
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 why the influx of global instant feeding in a country is quite dangerous.
Moreover
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, society will experience
of
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apply
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losing their own local
food
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 business
because
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because of
show examples
 the expansion of global franchises.
The local
Correct article usage
Local
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foods
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 will lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
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popularity and many people who sell local
foods
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 will go out of business,
consequently
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, young generations do not have a chance to try their native country
foods
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. With the progress of time, there is no one from denizens can introduce their traditional meals to the world and the state will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not have an iconic identity.
Hence
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, colonialism from international
food
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 should be decreased. In conclusion, Globalisation can make international junk
foods
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can
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apply
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seize the existence of traditional
food
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 and present negative impacts on families and citizens,
such
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 as health and business problems.
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Coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the structural flow of your essay. This helps in logically sequencing ideas and ensuring clarity.
Coherence and cohesion
Enhance the introduction with a clearer thesis statement that outlines your argument and the main points you plan to discuss. This sets a strong foundation for your essay.
Task achievement
Support your main points with more diversified and concrete examples. Consider including statistics, research findings, or case studies to strengthen your argument.
Task achievement
Work on a more balanced development of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph is well-developed and the main points are clearly articulated and expanded upon.
Coherence and cohesion
While your conclusion summarises your main points, try to restate your thesis in a more impactful way that truly highlights the significance of the topic and your stance on it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • culinary practices
  • prevalent
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • diet-related health issues
  • economic challenges
  • street food vendors
  • family dynamics
  • on-the-go
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable
  • eco-friendly
  • homogenization
  • foodscapes
  • agricultural diversity
  • biodiversity
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