Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

In today's world keeps evolving, making adaptations and
innovation
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innovations
show examples
which encourage
citizen
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citizens
show examples
have various activities to join during leisure time. Some parents believe that students should focus on their
acadamic
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academic
lessons because
this
will be
benefit
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beneficial
show examples
in the
long-term
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long term
show examples
.
However
,
other
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others
show examples
oppose that pupils should spend their time on finding their hobby.
This
essay will examine both
side
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sides
show examples
and my
perpestive
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perspective
will be discussed.    The initial reason why focusing is
a
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apply
show examples
crucial is that as the
leaner
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learner
show examples
still
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is still
show examples
young, the parent does not realize what would be suit with their children. In
this
way, the families have to prepare the lessons whole of the time.
However
,
this
might be pressure which might cause the disease
such
as panic or depression
due to
the the environment that they have been received. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
hand, it cannot
be deny
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be denied
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that experience
is
Verb problem
plays
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a significant
roles
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role
show examples
for
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in
show examples
runner
Add an article
a runner
the runner
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to approach the goal. Since the teenagers have
opputunities
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opportunities
to observe
themselve
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themselves
,
this
allows them to gain experience.
Moreover
, learning
variety
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a variety
show examples
social
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apply
show examples
lets
learner
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learners
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
improve
social
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their social
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interaction and collect
the
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apply
show examples
connection which in the future
this
chance allows them to think outside
box
Correct article usage
the box
show examples
.
This
means that the kids might be successful
person
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people
show examples
compared to other people because they know
hoe
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how
show examples
to fit in with the people.
To sum up
, in my opinion, both
side
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sides
show examples
of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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have merit but I strongly
agreed
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agree
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that the best way is
learning
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to learn
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life and
balancing
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balance
show examples
as each person has
disimilar
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different
habits. To illustrate, earning benefits from getting in
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a verity
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verity
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variety
show examples
Change preposition
of enviroment
show examples
enviroment
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environments
and
earn
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earning
show examples
experience outside school which education cannot be taught.
Submitted by sasathornterm on

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task achievement
To improve your score in the task achievement category, ensure that you understand the task completely and respond to all parts of the prompt. Expand your ideas and provide clear arguments for both views before stating your opinion. Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your essay in a logical manner with clear paragraphing. Use a range of linking words to help connect ideas smoothly. Begin with an introduction that clearly states what the essay will cover, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
Regarding logical structure, your essay would benefit from a clearer progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Introductory sentences for each paragraph could be used to signal the topic to the reader effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. Your introduction should set the context and your conclusion should provide a concise summing up of your arguments and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from further supporting your main points. Aim for depth in your discussion by delving into why certain arguments are persuasive or important. Use examples or evidence to substantiate your claims and show a deep engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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