9. Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Full-
time
university students
should dedicate plenty of time
on
studying. Change preposition
to
However
, it is necessary to spend some time
on other activities
. In this
essay, I will explore the positive sides of having additional activities
while
studying full-time
in the
educational institution.
From my point of view, being involved in other Correct article usage
an
activities
is helpful for absorbing information better. While
you have a lot of
on your plate to study, the brain does not consume all the information in the right way. Change preposition
apply
This
might lead to poor academic performance and discourage students
. Whereas
, students
who attend to
different Change preposition
apply
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
activities
Change preposition
of activities
such
as sports, dances, volunteering and so on, they
tend to show better themselves in educational Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
. For instance
, BBC has written that the more people do active sport
, the better academic achievement is shown among Fix the agreement mistake
sports
students
.
Secondly
, having other activities
increase student's skills and enhance well-being. Students
who have different hobbies are more versatile, which also
may define their leadership qualities. Even though, students
who
have only one activity, they can be great at it and spend Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
qualitatively, despite the fact that sometimes it might be time
and energy consuming
. Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
For example
, Cambridge University says that having only two or three activities
are
quite enough to be happy, as it has Correct subject-verb agreement
is
social
, physical and emotional impact Add an article
a social
in
people’s Change preposition
on
life
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
although
studying program is full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
, it is essential to be involved in different activities
. First and foremost, it has positive
impact on health and helps to succeed in education.Add an article
a positive
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Task Response
To enhance your score on task response, aim to address the essay prompt more directly and comprehensively. While you've presented a clear stance, further exploration of the opposing viewpoint could add depth to your argument. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of examples to support your points will not only add depth but make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay maintains a good logical structure, which aids in coherence and cohesion. To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to create a more sophisticated flow between ideas. Also, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next will enhance the overall cohesion of your piece.