IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover, it has become a status symbol. Its use, though, has impacted negatively on city centres as a whole. What are some serious problems brought about by private motor vehicle use? How can its use be reduced? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology has covered
the
Correct article usage
a
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 major part of the world community and various vehicles have been produced for travelling
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
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how auto
Use synonyms
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 can damage the environment and methods to reduce car use.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is no doubt that an individual
own
Wrong verb form
owning
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 a private car can improve one's freedom of movement.
For instance
Linking Words
, a housewife with lots of kids
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 a big wheel to drive her
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 to school and
this
Linking Words
 way is more effective compared to public transport.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative impacts on the environment.
Firstly
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, the proportion of harmful chemicals and carbon dioxide
emmitted
Correct your spelling
emitted
 from automobiles can be significantly increased.In doing so, many respiratory illnesses and other health issues may
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
such
Linking Words
 as asthma , lung cancer and other disease.
Next,
Linking Words
Traffic congestion around the urban area might
also
Linking Words
 increase especially during peak
hours
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
, noise pollution and safety concerns
risen
Add a missing verb
have risen
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.
For example
Linking Words
, based on the studies by
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 safety office compared between busy
hours
Use synonyms
 and normal
hours
Use synonyms
 ,it is true that there are more accidents happen during peak
hours
Use synonyms
.
Finally
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,pedestrians and cyclists will be the
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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 of
this
Linking Words
 case and try to avoid tragedy by
switch
Wrong verb form
switching
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 to private motor
Use synonyms
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 to travel and work.
On the other hand
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, here are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 methods to decrease
use
Add an article
the use
show examples
 of motor
Use synonyms
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the government should publish awareness campaigns about
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
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 and health impact of car dependency can encourage behavioral change and health disease.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it is
necessay
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to promote public transport to the public as an alternative to
drive
Change the verb form
driving
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the government should reduce the public transport
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
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 during peak
hours
Use synonyms
 in order to attract more commuters. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are pros and cons
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
vehicle
Use synonyms
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I believe that the drawbacks outweigh its benefits.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical introduction that directly addresses the question to set up your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices accurately to link ideas and paragraphs, but avoid over-reliance or misuse. Experiment with a variety of linking phrases for better flow.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points clearly and relate them back to the question for a strong finish.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, making sure to discuss both the problems caused by private motor vehicle use and suggest detailed strategies for reduction. Integrate these strategies more seamlessly with the problems they address.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your main ideas with concrete examples or data wherever possible. Avoid general statements without support.
task achievement
When providing solutions, detail how each method could realistically be implemented and its expected impact. This strengthens your argument and shows deeper understanding of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • City traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • respiratory illnesses
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • infrastructure
  • traffic bottlenecks
  • urban space
  • safety concerns
  • economic vulnerability
  • oil dependency
  • public transportation
  • urban planning
  • walkability
  • cycling paths
  • car-sharing
  • ride-sharing
  • tax incentives
  • emissions
  • sustainable transport
  • awareness campaigns
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