families have more people in the past because they have more children. Do you think there are more advantages than disadvantages to being in a large family in the past
The
number
of children
in families
has been decreasing in the
recent years. Correct article usage
apply
Although
this
pattern results in a sense of lonelines
, especially if a person does not have any siblings, I believe that Correct your spelling
loneliness
advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks, as it provides to
kids better alternatives in their education, Change preposition
apply
along with
building deeper relationships with their parents
.
One of the reasons why being a member of a small family is better is that it enables to reduce the total expenditures of families
. To illustrate, if the number
of children
increase
, their shareholds will decrease. The incomes of Change the verb form
increases
families
come from parents
salaries, but their outcomes are affected by the Change noun form
parents'
parent's
number
of offsprings
. It is easily stated that as Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
number
of youngsters Change the article
the number
increase
, the amount of money they are able to spend Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
decrease
. Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
Therefore
, they may face difficulties in finding appropriate universities respective of
their Change preposition
to
fundings
. Fix the agreement mistake
funding
For instance
, families
, which have one child are able to afford expenses related to the education of their kids, and they provide better options for their children
, including overseas universities. However
, as long as there are
more than one kid, Change the verb form
is
then
parents
need to divide their savings equally, as a
result
they can not send their kids to some well-known colleges owing to the high prices.
Add the comma(s)
result,
On the other hand
, spending enough time
with parents
is paramount to raisinig
well-rounded teenagers. Considering the gruelling business life of Correct your spelling
raising
parents
, creating time
for sharing with their offsprings
has been becoming increasingly challenging. At that point, it is totally understandable if they have more Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
children
, they are likely to spend less time
with each of them. This
process may result in a sense of loneliness when it comes to childs
, and they may suffer from anxiety, or depression in the long term. Correct your spelling
children
For instance
, 3 out of 5 adults in Turkey, who belong a
large family, are likely to fall into depression at some point Change preposition
to a
of
their life Change preposition
in
according to
the article, which was published in Istanbul University in 2021.
To conclude
, despite the fact that belonging a
large family may bring some merits, I believe that drawbacks are more than positive sides. Since being a member of small Change preposition
to a
families
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
better
educational lifeCorrect article usage
a better
,
and more Remove the comma
apply
time
to share parents
, Change preposition
with parents
this
pattern should be embraced by more families
.Submitted by ilaydailday on
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task achievement
Ensure consistency in your argument. Although your essay mostly maintains a clear perspective, some parts, especially in the advantages and disadvantages comparison, need clearer demarcation. Explicitly stating advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs would enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, connect your ideas more smoothly with varied transition words. You've used some, but more diverse transitions would enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Address the prompt directly in your introduction by clearly stating whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of being in a large family in the past. Your introduction is a bit general, and a direct thesis statement would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to avoid repetition and engage your readers better. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your text more interesting.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, try to provide more specific details or statistics to strengthen your arguments. This can make your points more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.