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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the line graph compares the consumption of fast foods by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000

the line graph compares the consumption of fast foods by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000
The line graph illustrates the fluctuations in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1975 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumption rate of hamburgers and pizza increased significantly
whereas
Linking Words
, that of fish and chips decreased drastically. In 1975, the number of times fish and chips
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 eaten stood at 100 per
year
Use synonyms
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the ingestion of fish and chips experienced fluctuation for a
period
Use synonyms
 of 10 years and
then
Linking Words
 plunged over the following 15 years to 40 per
year
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, there was a dramatic growth in the consumption of hamburgers and pizza over the
period
Use synonyms
. The ingestion of hamburgers was at a low of 10 per
year
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 rose steadily over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 and was at the peak of consumption in 2000 at 100 per
year
Use synonyms
. Pizza followed
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 pattern, beginning the
period
Use synonyms
 with approximately 5 per
year
Use synonyms
 and inclined to 85 per
year
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and remained stable till the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 in 2000.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, period with synonyms.
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