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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. Discuss the effects lack of experience with and understanding of nature can have on children as they grow up. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A healthy mind creates a healthy body.
This
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 statement has increased relevance in today's day and age where constant
exposure
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 to media devices has become an epidemic. Not just adults but even
children
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 these days spend most of their free
time
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 on mobile phones and computer screens reducing their
exposure
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 to the natural world I strongly believe that the lack of adequate
exposure
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 to nature has a detrimental effect on the growth of
children
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, both emotional and physical. Most teenagers today spend almost all of their free
time
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 on various devices.
This
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 increased screen
time
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 has led to a dangerous increase in the number of long-sighted or myopic adolescents. Studies have proven that a reduction in screen
time
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 and an increase in outdoor activity can lead to a slowdown of myopia in
children
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. Increased outdoor activity
also
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 contributes positively to growth in
children
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. Spending
time
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 in the sun replenishes the vitamin D reserves in the body, a crucial vitamin for bone growth.
Apart from
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this
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, sunlight
also
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 has beneficial effects on mental health and leads to increased levels of endorphins in the brain. Season-associated depression or SAD is a well-established entity known to occur in cold countries in winter when sunlight
exposure
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 is inadequate. In conclusion, I would like to say that increased outdoor activity with good
exposure
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 to nature is vital for both the physical and mental well-being of
children
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. Though having better internet and access to computers has revolutionised education, a good balance of both indoor and outdoor activities will lead to a generation of
children
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 who are healthy,
intelligent
Correct word choice
and intelligent
show examples
 with a well-rounded personality.

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Introduction Enhancement
Be sure to clearly introduce the topic and your position in the first paragraph to provide a roadmap for the reader. For example, start with a general statement about the importance of interaction with nature for children, followed by your thesis statement about the negative implications of its absence.
Conclusion Enhancement
Make sure to include a clear conclusion restating your position and summarizing the main points of your argument. It helps the reader to understand your final stance on the issue.
Paragraphing Structure
Develop logical paragraphing by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding or transitional sentence. This enhances the overall structure and flow of your essay.
Supporting Examples Enhancement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This could include citing studies, statistics, personal experiences, or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the topic.
Task Completion
Ensure that you fully address the task by discussing both physical and emotional effects of reduced nature exposure as per the prompt. Expand your response to cover a range of impacts.
Coherence Enhancement
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, such as however, moreover, in contrast, and as a result. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
Lexical Resource Improvement
Avoid repetition of words and phrases. Try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to enrich your vocabulary and keep the reader engaged.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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