IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.

The pie chart compares the average household spending in two different countries in terms of five important categories in 2010.
The pie chart provides information about the different expenditure
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 of average
households
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010. Using five important criteria.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both
households
Use synonyms
 spend more on food, housing and other goods and services than they do on transport and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, both countries disburse more on basic human needs.
Malaysia
Use synonyms
expend
Verb problem
spent
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 higher on housing, at 34% compared to 21% for
Japan
Use synonyms
. They are
also
Linking Words
 slightly greater than
Japan
Use synonyms
, disbursing more than a quarter on food.
However
Linking Words
, the
households
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 spent
higher
Correct word choice
more
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 funds on other goods and services than
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change preposition
in Malaysia
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 at 29% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, generally, less money was spent on transport and
healthcare
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. In
Japan
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, transportation was significantly greater at 20% but one in
Correct article usage
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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ten for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 was less than a minority for both
households
Use synonyms
. The percentage of money spent on
healthcare
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 was 6% and even lower for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, at 3% in 2010.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words households, japan, malaysia, healthcare with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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