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Band 5.5

Human activities over the period of time have increased global warming. What are the primary causes? What solutions can you suggest?

#activities #period #time
One of the most important issues of today's world which is being neglected the most is global warming. Especially in the
curreny
Correct your spelling
current
currency
 century, humans are burning too much fossil
fuels
, removing natural habitats for
constructions
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construction
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 and overconsuming the earth's
resources
 which are the main causes of global warming. There are plenty of solutions which can be given to tackle
this
 issue.
Firstly
,
abusing
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abuse
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in
Change preposition
of
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 the consumption of fossil
fuels
 is one of the issues which causes
this
 problem. With developing
civilization
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civilizations
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 and industries, the number of cars and factories
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 growing sharply. Since they use fossil
fuels
 like oil and gas to function, the amount of burning
fuels
 grows as well and they ultimately
cause releasing
Wrong verb form
release
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 toxic gasses
in
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into
show examples
 the air which leads to global warming.
Hence
, we can decrease the amount of using these
resources
 by decreasing the number of cars or using another approach for producing energy in factories.
For instance
, we can facilitate the ways and encourage people to use bicycles or we can use electricity in the industries. So, we must be
cautios
Correct your spelling
cautious
 about overconsuming
resources
 and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
 other less destructive options.
Secondly
, another
proplem
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problem
 is that humans are destroying natural habitats, especially forests, for their own profit. They cut the trees and jeopardize many animals' lives
for
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by
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 building roads or houses. When trees and animals are eliminated, there will be malfunctions in producing oxygen and balancing the food chain.
Hence
, global warming would happen. The main solution for
this
 issue is that some organizations take the power and prevent people from causing damage to the environment.
Therefore
, the government should take care of forests and
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 environment by protecting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 from constructors.
Overall
, being greedy in using the earth's
resources
, like
fuels
 and trees,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global warming. They lead to pollution and ultimately, harmful warmth. It is recommended that governments establish laws for preventing people from harming the
envirnment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and set penalties for
this
 matter.
Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on

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Task Achievement & Coherence
Ensure clear structuring of ideas within each paragraph. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by the explanation and example. This will enhance both coherence and task response.
Coherence
Include a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas together more effectively, beyond simply starting paragraphs with 'Firstly,' or 'Secondly.' Explore using synonyms, reference words, and other transition phrases to achieve smoother links.
Task Achievement
Strive for specificity in examples to bolster your arguments. Provide actual data, country-specific instances or more detailed scenarios to make your solutions and explanations more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistent use of tenses for enhanced clarity and professionalism.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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