IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #three #visitors #museum #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graphic depicts the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who hail a museum, which is broken down
three
Change preposition
into three
show examples
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 of visitors based on their ages. It is
obvious
Change the adjective
obviously
show examples
 evident that there are huge discrepancies among the visitors under 15,
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, and special exhibition visitors. What is the most striking when looking at the data is the fact that
category
Correct article usage
the category
show examples
 of mature
people
Use synonyms
 become
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 hail to the museum. From the beginning, in 1997, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than 300
thousand
Use synonyms
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guests and steadily increased until reached a peak
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than 400
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2007, which was less about 20
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
. On the other side, teenagers under 15 years old, almost 4 times less than mature
people
Use synonyms
 from 1997 to 2002, and being 5 times in the
twos
Fix the agreement mistake
two
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
indicating
Wrong verb form
indicates
show examples
 that the number of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
teenagers
Change preposition
to teenagers
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually decreased over the
period
Use synonyms
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, special guests are the lower numbers which was no more than 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 over
fifteen-year
Correct your spelling
fifteen
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 2007 is the year visited by many
people
Use synonyms
, compared
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2002 at just 441,200
people
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that in each
period
Use synonyms
, the trend is similar which is often visited by adult
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and followed by teenagers;
besides
Linking Words
 the least is special guests.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, thousand, period with synonyms.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: