IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

People should be atleast 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #atleast #years #drive #car
Nowadays enormous number of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 happened when compared to the past years.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 those
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 more number of
teenagers
 are made traffic
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my view
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the rule which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 should be
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 21
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old to drive a car.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 lots of young
teenagers
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the wrong path by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of
alocohol
Correct your spelling
alcohol
 and other
undisciplinary
Correct your spelling
nondisciplinary
 activities.
This
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 parents
grew
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 their children without discipline education.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents don't know the rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 of driving.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the young
teenagers
 have outbreak the traffic laws.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 some survey says nearly 40% of accidents
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 only because of
teenagers
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some number of
people
 believes if
teenagers
 have a license
then
 it will help
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their future driving jobs and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make them to be a better responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.Another reason the young teen
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more eager to learn how to drive a car when compared with aged
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 In Germany there are more than 45%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
teenagers
 who are interested
to obtain
Change preposition
in obtaining
show examples
 driving license. To put it in a nutshell majority of the
people
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 maturity after the end of
Correct pronoun usage
their teenages
show examples
teenages
Correct your spelling
teenagers
teenage
.So the government should put
a new laws
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new law
new laws
show examples
for
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
 age for cars.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 will enhance the safety of
common
Add an article
the common
show examples
 public.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear, logical structure in your essay by arranging your ideas in a more organized manner. Consider using paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion. While you've included these, work on clarifying your stance and summarizing your main points more effectively in these sections.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples or evidence. While you've mentioned some instances, diving deeper into these examples or providing additional ones can enhance your argument.
task achievement
Focus on fully responding to the task by exploring both sides of the argument before clearly stating your position. You've expressed your agreement, but a more balanced discussion initially could strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for a smooth flow of ideas and ensure each paragraph discusses a single main point related to the topic.
task achievement
Integrate more relevant, specific examples to support your argument. You've mentioned a few instances, but specific, detailed examples can provide stronger support for your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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