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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #show #information #crime #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
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The two graphs provide data about the relation between age and crime rate and four different
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of wrongdoing occurred
last
Linking Words
 year in the United Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most criminals are young people.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the most prevalent kind of crime committed in the observed period had
violent
Correct article usage
a violent
show examples
 nature. The crime rates were much more intense between adolescents and young adults from twelve to
twenty eight
Add a hyphen
twenty-eight
show examples
 years old.
However
Linking Words
, the most popular age of
offense
Change the spelling
offence
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 commitment had a peak at twenty, achieving the figure of 80,000
crimes
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 year.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the following ages, starting from
twenty nine
Add a hyphen
twenty-nine
show examples
 to sixty showed
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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 decrease related to criminal activities with an average of 10,000. Concerning the nature of
crimes
Use synonyms
, violent ones
was
Change the verb form
were
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 represented by 46%, which was almost two times more than property and drug
crimes
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 related to public order showed the least rate on the graph, with a proportion of one-tenth of the total
crimes
Use synonyms
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
 in the UK.
Submitted by carinabmurakami on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crimes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • The line graph depicts
  • The pie chart illustrates
  • reveals
  • displays
  • depicts
  • the trend of
  • the overall crime rate
  • steadily decreased
  • the distribution of
  • different types of crime
  • prevalent
  • accounts for
  • the most common crime
  • followed by
  • make up
  • a smaller proportion of
  • the total crimes
  • a smaller percentage
  • approximately
  • the remaining percentage
  • It is important to note that
  • reflects
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