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Writing Samples /
Band 3

some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local sustoms and behaviour.others disagree anf think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #sustoms #behaviour #anf #host #country #differences
Modern society is becoming a global village in which there are
not
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no
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boundries
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boundaries
 between trade and communication.Some folks think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
 should follow local
culture
while
 visiting other countries
while
other's
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others
show examples
 assume that the
host
country
 should welcome
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 differences.I will discuss both views with credible examples in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,
visitors
 imposing
thier
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their
culture
to
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on
show examples
 the
host
country
 is dangerous for
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community because with the passing of
time
Add a comma
time,
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 the
new borns
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newborns
show examples
 will
adapt
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adopt
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 the behavior
what
Correct word choice
that
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 they will see which will extinct
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 native
culture
 at some point.
For example
,People from all around
world
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the world
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 came
in
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to
show examples
canada
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Canada
show examples
 which
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
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 the extinction of native
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
.
Furthermore
,Some traditions are basically
harmfull
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harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 humanity which includes dowry,child marriage and more.
On the other hand
,Travelers
also
 bring some traditions which can be
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 helpful to the
host
country
.
For instance
,Punjabis is a community from Punjab which brings
thier
Correct your spelling
their
culture
 of giving free food
in
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at
show examples
 any time of day to Canada which is now very
benefitary
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to homeless humans.
Moreover
,when
visitors
 establish their
culture
 that
encourage
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encourages
show examples
 other individuals to come because of similarities in tradition which can aid in the advancement
to
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of
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economy
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the economy
show examples
 and infrastructure of that
country
. in conclusion,
visitors
 and the
host
country
 citizens have to learn
that
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apply
show examples
how to adopt each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
show examples
 cultures which would help them to be
a
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apply
show examples
better human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Also
,the decline of differences in cultures will heavily contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of a global village.
Submitted by sandhuprabh090 on

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance in a concise manner. Your introduction should set the stage for the arguments you plan to discuss.
task achievement
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples or further explanation. Ensure that each paragraph distinctly contributes to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph structure. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure that your arguments are supported by specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your essay and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
general
Proofread your work to avoid typos and grammatical errors which can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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