IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#shop #sales #sectors #zealand #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two pie charts illustrate the breakdown of the revenue of online
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 in four retail sectors in New Zealand in two selected years (2003 and 2013).
Overall
, it is evident that online buying in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sector
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributed the most to the retail
sector
 in 2003,
while
 it
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 surpassed by the film/music
sector
 in 2013. In 2003, 36% of the retail
sales
 online
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 contributed by the travel
sector
. Followed by the retailing of clothes and films/music,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 24% and 21% respectively.
In addition
, the proportion of the revenue from selling books online was the smallest, which only contained
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
19% of the total
sales
. In 2013, Film/Music
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the biggest contributor to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online retail
sales
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of 33%. The proportion of
sales
 from
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sector
 has dropped by 7%,
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of 29% in 2013. Interestingly,
Clothes
Correct article usage
the Clothes
show examples
sector
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the least purchasing items among these four sectors in 2013, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of 16%.
Submitted by katarinachiu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sectors
  • online shopping sales
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • significant growth/decline
  • electronic goods
  • clothing and footwear
  • food and beverages
  • household goods
  • recreational goods
  • stable sales
  • emerging sectors
  • overall growth
  • decade comparison
  • shift in consumer behavior
  • e-commerce
  • trend analysis
  • market dynamics
  • purchasing habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: