IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

the pie charts below shop the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The two pie charts illustrate the breakdown of the revenue of online
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 in four retail sectors in New Zealand in two selected years (2003 and 2013).
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that online buying in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributed the most to the retail
sector
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
while
Linking Words
 it
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 surpassed by the film/music
sector
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In 2003, 36% of the retail
sales
Use synonyms
 online
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 contributed by the travel
sector
Use synonyms
. Followed by the retailing of clothes and films/music,
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 24% and 21% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of the revenue from selling books online was the smallest, which only contained
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
19% of the total
sales
Use synonyms
. In 2013, Film/Music
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the biggest contributor to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online retail
sales
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of 33%. The proportion of
sales
Use synonyms
 from
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 has dropped by 7%,
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of 29% in 2013. Interestingly,
Clothes
Correct article usage
the Clothes
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the least purchasing items among these four sectors in 2013, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of 16%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sectors
  • online shopping sales
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • significant growth/decline
  • electronic goods
  • clothing and footwear
  • food and beverages
  • household goods
  • recreational goods
  • stable sales
  • emerging sectors
  • overall growth
  • decade comparison
  • shift in consumer behavior
  • e-commerce
  • trend analysis
  • market dynamics
  • purchasing habits
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